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I'll just randomly stab a pencil in their back (no penatrating just poking) or hit them in the face with a pillow. I just abandon my friends or they abandon me. I just cry at home all day and never go out of the house. I try to make new friends but I just leave them :/
It's possible that you subconsciously feel like all your friends will leave you, so you beat them to the punch. However, I'll give you the advice my friend gave me when she noticed that I alienated people. What you need to do is force yourself to stay friends with people. Do not stab them in the back! Whenever you feel the urge to break off a friendship stop yourself and instead think of the sadness that will come from the loneliness.
I think that you can genuinely be a good friend to someone assuming you don't push them away first.
Like 99% of the shit bags you will come into contact with in this life won't be worth the breath you expend on them telling them to fuck off. Humans are selfish, cruel, and infectious creatures. With most of them, it's only a matter of time before they eusurpe your rights for their own benefit. Which is always why I make sure I know someone really really well before I let them in to possibly do damage. In my 25 years in this earth I've only let one or two people in on that level because of how jaded I've become.
I am a graduate student majoring in psychology with a concentration in behavior analysis, and sex therapy. What you're going through sounds a lot like boarderline personality disorder. How old are you?
I would look up this condition, and greatly consider talking with a therapist who can refer you to a psychiatrist. It would benefit you a lot. Hope my information can help you at least a little!
No, that's not normal. Most people have developed better friendship skills than that. I might be normal for young kids to do stuff like that, but not anyone older. Being social is not always a natural thing for everybody, it has to be learned. It sounds like you've got a lot of learning to do. :)
There's a really helpful book out there: How To Talk To Anyone (Leil Lowndes). I read it a long time ago, but I found it helpful. You should check it out. :)
It takes time and practice. You should also educate yourself more on human behavior and what motivates people to behave the way they do. Take some sociology and psychology classes; they'll demystify a lot of what seems impossible to understand about human interaction.
it sounds to me like you have a trust issue, maybe someone let you down badly when you were younger and now you're scared to receive love in case you are rejected, it takes courage to be open to others, if you feel that same old feelings creeping in say to yrself "i am brave i am strong and i can relax" good luck