Is it normal that i lack any empathy for people?

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39 Comments

Ever since I was a child I have never been able to feel for other people. Feel empathy or sympathy for them. I understand emotions and I have felt them for my self but I feel nothing for other people. I don't understand why. Nothing has ever happened to me that was traumatic in anyway and this has been in place for as long as long as I can remember. I am just curious if I am the only one. I am completely apathetic to anyone even in a traumatic situation. Even if it were my parents or a close family member. One time when my dad was in a serious accident and he shattered his spine. His friend also died on impact. My brother was also in the crash and was put in a half body cast. I felt nothing for them and it didn't bother me that it had happened. I just thought oh ok then and moved on. I wasn't worried nor did I care how he was doing. Is any of that normal? Also when my friend died it didn't do anything to me. It had no effect on me. I just wonder why.

Is It Normal?
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  • Train.Wreck
    11 years ago | pl

    Maybe you just have that attitude, or maybe it's a self-defense mechanism. Or perhaps you have the makings for a SERIAL KILLER. Nah, I'm joking. You're probably not a sociopath.

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  • sexywigglesyeah
    11 years ago | pl

    You have asperger's syndrome?

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    • charli.m
      11 years ago | pl

      Aspergian's are more likely to feel the emotion, in their own way, but not show the expected response.

      John Elder Robison articulates it perfectly in his book "Look Me In The Eye". I've loaned my copy out so I can't quote it, but the basics of it is, as a child he hears that his mothers friends child has died playing on railroad tracks. His response is to smile. He's then told off for being an evil child etc etc.

      His reasoning behind his atypical response is his thought process between hearing the news and smiling: "Shit, that's bad. What an idiot for playing on the rail road. I'm not stupid enough to play on the rail road, I won't get killed like that. I'm safe. My parents and brother are safe. I'm really glad me and my family are safe." So he smiles out of relief that he and his family are safe.

      This is paraphrased from my memory of reading it several times, a few years back.

      Also, this may not neccessarily translate to all people with Asperger's, but it seems spot on with the people I've known.

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      • DavidS.
        11 years ago | pl

        It is still an inappropriate emotional response...a lack of empathy...the asperger immediately thought about themselves and not how the other person must feel which would have stopped that immediate thinking about themselves

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        • GinistrePupu
          11 years ago | pl

          I don't think about my self at all when it comes to situations like that. I honestly just do not feel anything for it. I don't care at all.

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        • charli.m
          11 years ago | pl

          Yes, it's an inappropriate response by 'normal' standards. However, it's not a lack of empathy, I don't think - there's the "Shit, that's bad" part of the response, and the thoughts for his family's wellbeing. It's delayed somewhat, and certainly not expressed how we expect it to be expressed, but I think it's still there.

          One more thought: My family always described a cousin who has Asperger's to us this way when we were children: L can't control his impulses as well as we all can sometimes.

          Robison writes about that, too - he says its like non-Aspergian's know exactly what is expected of them, socially (as it is a social disorder) and therefore react in a socially appropriate way (even though that may not be in line with how they ACTUALLY feel about the event) whereas Aspergian's don't have that same sort of filter. They "impulsively" (not really the right word, but a near enough substitute, feel free to correct me) act/show the way they actually feel, without thinking "Shit, this isn't how I'm meant to respond."

          I had a friend who had a friend who had a base jumping accident recently. Now, my normal response to base jumping is "What a fucking stupid thing to do". Of course, when my friend tells me her friend is seriously injured, my response is "Oh my god, that's terrible? Is he going to be ok? What's the prognosis? How can I help?" I still think base jumping is an idiotic thing, but that gets pushed to the back. What's much more important is that a human has been hurt (he's doing really well now, which is a huge relief) and my concern is also for my friend and how she's doing handling the bad news. An Aspergian may well skip the emotional response (unless they've conditioned themselves to respond as such - which most do through learning the hard way) and just say, 'Huh...what an idiot" which doesn't necessarily mean they don't feel any empathy, but it certainly isn't shown (we can't know their thought processes - it may be there, it may be not), and is guaranteed to anger anyone hearing the response!

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  • Sabby
    11 years ago | pl

    Me too :D yay I'm normal

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  • DavidS.
    11 years ago | pl

    Emotional coldness and detachment is part of a few personality disorders. You are not a narcissist because I don't hear you really bragging about how great you are....you do not seem antisocial because your not getting into fights, committing crimes, lighting fires, hurting animals etc....you do not seem to have asperger's because you don't fixate and over elaborate with verbal onslaught...I will take your word that you are not depressed...so that sort of leaves schizoid...do you find yourself isolating , choosing to be alone, having no real desire for close intimate friendships, even indifferent to sex , could care less about praise or criticism...those are some traits of schizoid personality

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    • GinistrePupu
      11 years ago | pl

      i do not isolate in purpose as it were I just don't seem to care to form relationships they are meaningless to me. as well as sex and the judgement of different things may it be praise or criticism as you have said. they mean nothing to me. I just exist and that is all there is to say.

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  • DavidS.
    11 years ago | pl

    You have never felt fear, anger, anxiety, joy, nothing....that would be called dissociation...what about pain and pleasure?

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    • GinistrePupu
      11 years ago | pl

      physical pain yes but that is something that cant be avoided as in stubbing a toe or pricking a finger but emotional pain no. same goes for pleasure. The basic gist i that i feel nothing. numb as it were. but then again what is numb really.

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  • DavidS.
    11 years ago | pl

    First of all it is an excellent question...and very much one to be concerned about....some of the advice above is also very good and something to consider..it is a trait of narcissism ...narcissists still feel anxiety..while sociopaths do not....aspergers have other OCD traits..fixations....

    You may have grown up in a family that lacked empathy but you were unaware of it..it is hard to see feelings, right? This was traumatic but you didn't even realize it....you now have to work at it...try to get counseling and in situations think about how you feel and how someone else is feeling

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    • DavidS.
      11 years ago | pl

      If it is just blah your feeling that's dysthymia

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      • GinistrePupu
        11 years ago | pl

        Actually no. I am not in a chronic low saddened mood. I feel nothing. I have never felt anything.

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  • Durriken
    11 years ago | pl

    Pretty normal from where I'm sounding. You're just an unfeeling person. Not sure if you'd be a good partner for anything but hey, you are what you are.

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  • ariannel
    11 years ago | pl

    A complete lack of empathy doesn't sound normal. Not at all.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago | pl

    You lack empathy? I think you'll make a great lawyer

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  • graphic_nature
    11 years ago | pl

    Suppression?

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago | pl

    Emotionally distant? The mind is a hard thing to understand.

    But regardless it's not normal.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago | pl

    Do you torture animlals too?

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    • GinistrePupu
      11 years ago | pl

      i dont hurt anyone or anything i have no need for that. i just lack any sort of empathy or sympathy for other people. I don't really feel anything for them.

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  • House
    11 years ago | pl

    wow i'm the same..mostly.i do care a little bit about myself, but yeah...i'm not able to show empathy to people.i can't even remember the last time i cried, even thou recently my grandmother died.i think it's weird the way i am, but i've also learned to accepted it.
    P.s. my family thinks i'm strange also for not feeling empathy.

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  • Dozis
    11 years ago | pl

    Lack of empathy for people you do not need in your life because they are useless to you or stand in your way can be considered normal. At least most people do.
    But not feeling anything for a person who is actually necessary for your own survival can be a huge disadvantage. And is technically pathological.
    It is not a moral thing at all. I find that all the people who say they are feeling sorry for something bad that happened to somebody they do not really need, lie.
    Anyone could notice that. I do not get how a person can really genuinely feel bad for something that happened to a person they are not really attached to and they did not need. I just do not get it. Maybe you are just extremely self centered and shallow, or you just cannot quite list all the people in your life according to importance thus the general shallowness. Because to you, no one is really necessary. Just a thought there no need to get all, wait, how do you usually feel towards people who say these things? Wait, I do not care.

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    • GinistrePupu
      11 years ago | pl

      I don't consider my self self centered. I don't care about my self either. I never have. This all was just a meer curiosity to me. I don't really feel anything to be honest. I never viewed anyone or anything as being important to me not even my self. I was just wondering if it was normal tho it doesn't really matter does it?

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  • BigLebowski
    11 years ago | pl

    I'm the same. I get badgered about it all the time. People are constantly telling me I'm evil or horrible or not a human being and all that. I'm happier than a lot of people I know anyway because I don't get upset on behalf of other people.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago | pl

    I would say it's normal. I'm pretty much like that, although I have been called things such as a narcissist, antisocial, psychopath and a sociopath. Not all of those accusations were made to me by the same people. I completely doubt that I'm a psychopath, my mental state is fine and I completely doubt I'm a sociopath. Although, even though I have my doubts, I still wonder if I'm a narcissist or antisocial, maybe I'm both? I don't consider myself to have any of those personality dissorders, but it is a possibility.

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    • taciturn
      11 years ago | pl

      Isn't that psychopathy by definition? Both psychopathy and sociopathy are now called Antisocial Personality Disorder, which is marked by lack of empathy (among other things). Not trying to be insulting, I'm just saying that judging from his and your description, you might be diagnosed with APD.

      To the story author: visit a psychologist. Determine with them how severe this is and whether it could interfere with your life, and then choose whether you want to try and change that. Can I ask how old you are?

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago | pl

        I wouldn't say that it's psychopathy etc, alot of personality dissorders that aren't as major as psychopathy has the trait of not having empathy, and some people that lack it just don't care about most things even though they don't have a personality dissorder.

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        • taciturn
          11 years ago | pl

          That's true, but being totally unaffected by your family members being suffering near-fatal injuries is definitely a sign of a personality disorder. I'm not sure what other disorders you're talking about, but complete lack of empathy (without violent tendencies and such) would most probably be diagnosed as Antisocial Personality Disorder.

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          • [Old Memory]
            11 years ago | pl

            I would be lying if I said ithasn't been something I've been called.
            To be honest, I went to the doctors when I was about sixteen-seventeen for something completely irrelevant to this conversation and my mother wanted to speak to the doctor so she came with me. After we finnished what I was there for, she started asking about personality dissorders and me. The doctor said that I show traits of some personality dissorders and said that he'd like me to come back next week. He then continued to say "don't worry, we won't ship you off to a clinic straight away". I was offgaurd for that, even though it could of been a joke, if I was to be examined by him, I would probably be sent to a clinic for a short while. So, I never went back to him.

            If I do have a personality dissorder, I don't want to get it officially diagnosed, it would ruin some of my future.

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            • taciturn
              11 years ago | pl

              There are good and bad psychiatrists. I met with one a couple years back who seemed to think I was bipolar based on a comment I made about my mood being volatile, and she just rattled off a list of questions like she had just read the wikipedia page on bipolar disorder or something. I didn't go back. But then again, my current therapist is incredibly helpful to me.

              It's your choice really, but if I were you I'd try to find a different doctor to talk about this stuff with. You should know that they have no right to place you in a mental institution against your will unless you are suicidal or wish to harm others. That doctor had to have been joking.

              You don't have to care about diagnoses (I don't either), but you don't want to go through life with personality traits that could seriously damage your relationships with people or your own happiness.

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      • GinistrePupu
        11 years ago | pl

        I am 22 years old. I never about it being antisocial personality disorder. I don't really know what to think of that but it doesn't bother me. I'll schedule an appointment I am a bit curious.

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        • taciturn
          11 years ago | pl

          Yeah, it won't hurt to consult someone. Whatever label they give you won't be anything more than an official name for whatever you're feeling, but they may be able to help you change if you want to.

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          • GinistrePupu
            11 years ago | pl

            I have no interest in changing also if i'm not mistaken APD does not have a cure or therapy for it. Besides as I said I have no interest in changing. This was all a curiosity to me.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago | pl

    who cares? good question , nice to think

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  • indecisive
    11 years ago | pl

    Maybe it didnt hit you that hard? That can be a good thing, like if you ever get broken up with or something? But then if someone sees thata and misinterprites it then they would think your cold hearted. But i think theres something else, not that.

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