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...Even though I know it would have been disgusting?
A few months ago, someone in my extended family died at home, apparently peacefully. But the thing is he lived alone and wasn't found for over a week. Neighbors alerted the authorities and they took the body away. And that's probably for the best. But is it normal that part of me wishes I had seen it?
It's normal to be curious, or want to see it for closure. I'm the opposite though. I attended my great grandmother's funeral but I couldn't look at her in the casket very much. I didn't attend my classmate's funeral, even though I always liked her, because I didn't want to look at her body. Especially since she was so young and full of life, it would just be too sad.
I once saw one on the road. She had jumped off of a bridge that was... maybe about 40-50 feet from the ground, it was an overpass.
She fell onto the pavement and was hit by a car on the highway doing about 65-70. By the time I came up on it, the Highway Patrol had just arrived and was directing traffic around her very slowly. They had yet to have the chance to cover up the body.
She was white and blonde, if she was ever good looking, I couldn't tell. She looked like she had been grabbed by the torso and rubbed up the highway on her belly. There was a blood streak about 6 feet long, some bone fragments and a small intestine along with a few unrecognizable organs in a gnarled trail, leading up to her body which had been split at the torso. For the most part, it was still attached but it looked like a partially melted barbie doll smeared on the road. Her eyes were still open. She was blonde haired with blue eyes and it felt like she was staring at me up until she faded away in my rear view mirror. I'd bet her body was still warm.
I burst out into tears knowing that the loved one of someone out there has been reduced to a spectacle to be gazed at by some loser college student like me and I prayed that she would finally be in peace. For the next few weeks, I drove over the massive blood stain that she left behind in lane #3, which was on the highway that I normally took from work. I was thanking my lucky stars that we had a pretty good rainy period afterwards but even the rain didn't wash it away fully the first... second... third or fourth time...
I had a new appreciation for medical personelle and law enforcement afterwards. If I had to live in a country where I had to see that every day because there wasn't much of a law enforcement or medical system I would surely go insane.
I'm sorry you had to witness that. It's never easy seeing someone who had thoughts and feelings and loves and hopes and dreams, end up in such a way they did.
The only hope I can give you is that the memory will fade overtime. You will think about it from time to time, but that is our bodies own way of dealing with traumatic events, but eventually time will heal all things.
I wish you all the best and that you never have to witness such a thing again.
Yours truly,
Doktor Hildred Von Steinmann
Both, of course. Part of it is just sheer morbid curiosity, but also I feel like it still hasn't sunk in completely what it means that he's dead.
And I did get there the same day, so I know it was plenty "stanky". It smelled exactly like dead rat. No surprise I guess since we're all made of the same stuff.
We weren't very close BTW, so I'm not really grieving or anything, I just feel kind of weird about the whole thing.