Is it normal that i have standards for lesbians?

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5 Comments

This is for the lesbians out there. I have recently ended a relationship of 8 months. Long story short, I moved out of state for her, so we could close the gap between us. We had some issues. We were not perfect. However, we thought that we could work things out. The thing is, she had habits that were a complete turn off such as a ridiculous low self-esteem that prompted her to constantly require physical and emotional attention from me. If I was not praising her, or loving on her 24/7 - then that translated to me not being in love with her. She had a dog that she didn't properly train. We never had a quiet night together, or a good night sleep, or good sex (because the dog would cry, wimper, and scratch the bed the entire time). If I corrected the dog or suggested training (even offered to pay) she would yell at me for not accepting her as she is. Plus, she was messy, as in borderline hoarder messy. Finally, she would tell me to do one thing, then say she never said it. None of these things or our communication improved by me moving. I never felt heard. So we broke up. In a week, she was already dating someone else. In a month, she updated her FB profile to "in a relationship".

The thing is, I find myself no longer attracted to lesbians. I feel that many have untreated mental issues, have pets that they choose over their partners, or force their partners to accept as is, are often too political or angsty, often lack ambition, and often times are not nearly as attractive as straight women.

Is it wrong that I have standards for lesbians? Is it wrong that I want to meet a woman who deals with her demons, who wants more for herself, who isn't afraid of being alone until the right person comes around, who is clean/tidy, and is attractive? As in - no half shaved head, tattoos, etc...just clean. I hate the fact that I envy straight men. I look at their girlfriends, and these women are put together. Whereas the lesbian community is too busy excusing crazy behavior for freedom from heteronormative standards.

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81% Normal
Based on 21 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • charli.m
    7 years ago

    Yes, it's normal to have standards. Sexuality has nothing to do with that.

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  • strangethingshappen
    7 years ago

    Its normal because as Charlie.m said- Sexuality has nothing to do with that regardless .
    Tbh, I think you haven't met the right women. In my country, there are a lot of attractive lesbians , even bi sexual chicks.
    Some are so beautiful that I even question if they really are a lesbian. Not because lesbians are thought to be unattractive in general but because majority of attractive females are straight.
    I don't know why gay girls go for that stereotypical hard looking appearance, eg- Tatts, half shaved head & piercings.. Is it to make a statement? Be known as a lesbian hence attract other girls or what ?.. Femme girls are just as attractive imo, actually more so. I like the half femme, half tomboy look :) Gives them an aura of femininity as well as a touch of masculinity with the hobbies & such they gravitate towards like biking, hiking, ..just seems hot imo :p

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  • EccentricM8
    6 years ago

    In the end, you like what you like, and dump what you don't. It really has nothing to do with sexuality, but I can understand that you specifically dislike fads and trends that lesbians follow.

    However, not all of them are as such, as everyone is different.

    But yes, it's normal.

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  • Cuntsiclestick
    7 years ago

    Yeah, it's normal to have standards for certain people based on experiences. Though not all lesbians are mentally unstable, sjw, creeps(I've met a bunch of the types you described back when I was using dating sites, but there were also cool people too.) You'll eventually find someone that's put together. You just have to keep trying.

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  • bubsy
    7 years ago

    The type of lesbian you're looking for is a man. The traits you listed, particularly of being self-accountable, are masculine qualities. Your ex was not uniquely terrible, she was a woman and no woman could be what you wanted.

    Any gay ought to know that masculinity and feminity, tops and bottoms, are a core and crucial dynamic for any relationship. It's what they mean when they say opposites attract.

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