In my opinion, most people don't truly love their families, but they can't accept it.
Personally, I think that "love" is something that has to be earned. The sad truth is that most people have the believe that one "must" love their family, no matter what.
Interesting point of view, but if feeding you and clothing you and giving you shelter and protecting you for the entirety of your child life isn't "earning it" I don't know what is.
All those things that you are mentioning are very basic. It is a parent's obligation to do all those things, it is the least someone can expect.
Btw, I really hate when people think they must be praised for doing basic stuff. Bosses that are like: "I am such a great boss, I always pay on time", or boyfriends that are like: "You must love me, because I never hit you and never cheat on you". What has society turned into?
They may be basic, but you would probably be dead without them so in my mind they count for quite a lot. I'm not supporting mediocrity or anything, but I think this is a separate issue from that (and I agree with you there, which I will get to in a minute). Family, especially close family, is different from any other relationship because even the basic things have vast importance because the obligations are much higher. In my mind the worth of an act is not negated just because it's an obligation. You may disagree, of course.
You're right that people shouldn't require praise for doing things they are obligated to do, but I think love is very different from praise. Love isn't a compliment or something you give to someone as a reward for doing a good job. Love is an emotional state that just happens, sometimes as a result of good behaviour and sometimes not. I think people who expect to be loved merely for doing basic things (like the hypothetical boyfriend who expects to be loved just because he shows basic respect) don't really understand that love isn't always as simple as "good deeds go in, love comes out".
Certainly, "love" does work in mysterious ways. As you say, it is not an accurate transaction. Some people even fall in love after someone does them something bad. However, I think that genuine love does have at least a little logic behind. Otherwise, it is just an infautation or mere emotional attachment/dependance. The later is usually what happens within families.
We grow attached to our families because they are the people who we see the most and we get used to them, eventually, we even take them for granted and depend completely on them. There is something that many people learn the hard way, and it is that even if you don't have a good relationship with your family, you can usually rely on them much more than with any other person. You think your friends would never turn their backs on you, but if you ever need money (a lot) or a kidney, it will be your relatives who will offer to help you first. However, again, this is not truly "love" for me.
I will never forget what my grandfather once told me. He said that I should always tell my parents and siblings that I love them. I responded that love is shown by actions, not by words. But he responded: "No son, it is the opposite with family. We do things for them because they are family, even if we hate them. One can only know if a relative loves them if they hear it".
And well, I will finish explaining why I don't think most families love each other... and it is because of lack of honesty and communication. I am a teacher and I can assure you without a doubt that more than 90% of parents have absolutely no idea about how their children really are. Most parents idealize their kids and live in denial. That's why kids lie to their parents all the time as well, because they don't want to disappoint them. And well, I don't think there can be love among people that don't even know each other.
Is it normal that i have never felt love towards my family?
← View full post
In my opinion, most people don't truly love their families, but they can't accept it.
Personally, I think that "love" is something that has to be earned. The sad truth is that most people have the believe that one "must" love their family, no matter what.
--
dom180
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
Interesting point of view, but if feeding you and clothing you and giving you shelter and protecting you for the entirety of your child life isn't "earning it" I don't know what is.
--
amaterasu
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
All those things that you are mentioning are very basic. It is a parent's obligation to do all those things, it is the least someone can expect.
Btw, I really hate when people think they must be praised for doing basic stuff. Bosses that are like: "I am such a great boss, I always pay on time", or boyfriends that are like: "You must love me, because I never hit you and never cheat on you". What has society turned into?
--
dom180
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
They may be basic, but you would probably be dead without them so in my mind they count for quite a lot. I'm not supporting mediocrity or anything, but I think this is a separate issue from that (and I agree with you there, which I will get to in a minute). Family, especially close family, is different from any other relationship because even the basic things have vast importance because the obligations are much higher. In my mind the worth of an act is not negated just because it's an obligation. You may disagree, of course.
You're right that people shouldn't require praise for doing things they are obligated to do, but I think love is very different from praise. Love isn't a compliment or something you give to someone as a reward for doing a good job. Love is an emotional state that just happens, sometimes as a result of good behaviour and sometimes not. I think people who expect to be loved merely for doing basic things (like the hypothetical boyfriend who expects to be loved just because he shows basic respect) don't really understand that love isn't always as simple as "good deeds go in, love comes out".
--
amaterasu
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
Certainly, "love" does work in mysterious ways. As you say, it is not an accurate transaction. Some people even fall in love after someone does them something bad. However, I think that genuine love does have at least a little logic behind. Otherwise, it is just an infautation or mere emotional attachment/dependance. The later is usually what happens within families.
We grow attached to our families because they are the people who we see the most and we get used to them, eventually, we even take them for granted and depend completely on them. There is something that many people learn the hard way, and it is that even if you don't have a good relationship with your family, you can usually rely on them much more than with any other person. You think your friends would never turn their backs on you, but if you ever need money (a lot) or a kidney, it will be your relatives who will offer to help you first. However, again, this is not truly "love" for me.
I will never forget what my grandfather once told me. He said that I should always tell my parents and siblings that I love them. I responded that love is shown by actions, not by words. But he responded: "No son, it is the opposite with family. We do things for them because they are family, even if we hate them. One can only know if a relative loves them if they hear it".
And well, I will finish explaining why I don't think most families love each other... and it is because of lack of honesty and communication. I am a teacher and I can assure you without a doubt that more than 90% of parents have absolutely no idea about how their children really are. Most parents idealize their kids and live in denial. That's why kids lie to their parents all the time as well, because they don't want to disappoint them. And well, I don't think there can be love among people that don't even know each other.