You are still a child. You sound like you're from the southern states or maybe southeast (just curious).
Anyway, you can call your State's dept. of child and family services, usually an 800 # and tell them your story.
You can also possibly get an order of protection against them.
It would be nice if you could have therapy.
One thing you need to know, you cannot blame your suicidal behavior on them. It's so normal to want relief and to escape from them, but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Suicide thinking is reinforced because you can get a break from them. You might not believe this, but your future life could be so wonderful you could never imagine. There are so many good people in the world who would treat you the way you always deserved to be treated. People like your parents are bad, sort of evil-bad people who never deserved you. Step-dads are so often as sholes - responsible for about 40% of the abuse here in Illinois.
The flashbacks serve a purpose - your brain doesn't want you to forget what happened to you and wants to keep you safe from them, so it will remember all the times that preceded harm. Try not to pay attention to flashbacks. Escape fantasies, even suicidal escape fantasies can be appealing, but fantasies of happiness and goals and good future are much more productive. Love yourself first, accept kindness from people you deserve it and need it.
is it normal that I have flashbacks from past abuse?
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You are still a child. You sound like you're from the southern states or maybe southeast (just curious).
Anyway, you can call your State's dept. of child and family services, usually an 800 # and tell them your story.
You can also possibly get an order of protection against them.
It would be nice if you could have therapy.
One thing you need to know, you cannot blame your suicidal behavior on them. It's so normal to want relief and to escape from them, but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Suicide thinking is reinforced because you can get a break from them. You might not believe this, but your future life could be so wonderful you could never imagine. There are so many good people in the world who would treat you the way you always deserved to be treated. People like your parents are bad, sort of evil-bad people who never deserved you. Step-dads are so often as sholes - responsible for about 40% of the abuse here in Illinois.
The flashbacks serve a purpose - your brain doesn't want you to forget what happened to you and wants to keep you safe from them, so it will remember all the times that preceded harm. Try not to pay attention to flashbacks. Escape fantasies, even suicidal escape fantasies can be appealing, but fantasies of happiness and goals and good future are much more productive. Love yourself first, accept kindness from people you deserve it and need it.