Is it normal that i have a selective memory?

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5 Comments

I am generally a good and patient listener. As a result, people (especially female friends) like to open up to me and they tell me lots of things. I really appreciate it that they treat me as a confidante. But this is where I fall. I suffer from information overload given all the stuff that women tell me (and you guys know they can really talk sometimes).

I feel bad but at the same time, I can't really help it. When I talk to other guys, we always talk about politics, religion and computer games where there are very few characters involved and when we discuss specific events, we always get as quickly as possible to the "moral of the story".

But when women tell stories, they describe who they met over the weekend, what each one wore, what they did, what dessert they had, which one tested good and which one didn't. Then they would discuss what they did last weekend and what they plan to do next weekend. Then they talk about their friends and family, their ex-boyfriends, what they plan to do for their holidays, quirky habits, etc. Not only do they jump around from one character to another, they also jump chronologically without any particular order. There is way too much information for me to take in in any 20-minute period.

How am I supposed to remember all that? Then I would make a comment and they would say "Have you been listening at all to what I've been saying?" It's like being read a 600-page novel in 20 minutes and then when I ask a question, I get told off because she already discussed that very topic at page 146.

Please tell me that this is normal and that I'm not alone!

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97% Normal
Based on 39 votes (38 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • disthing
    12 years ago

    I usually remember the most minute and trivial bit of information someone has told me, then forget something actually quite important. My brain isn't a clever filtration device at all :(

    I don't agree with Dappled though. I think a lot of it depends on the audience. If I'm talking to my casual male and female friends, I'll talk about trivial things and what's being said to me or by me won't matter as much. If I'm talking to my girlfriend however, I'm not intending to simply inform her, I'll be seeking exactly what she seeks from me, and that's empathy, interest and attention.

    I don't think girls and boys are so different really; we all get confused by standing on the outside looking in. We also endlessly recycle stereotypes until we believe them absolutely, and this can skew our perspective of the world, including our gender identities and differences.

    End of ramble.

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  • chefs.choice
    12 years ago

    I have a problen with memory, period. It effects me in History, English, and Science classes. I never remeber when it comes to taking a test or quiz. With math, though, its easy to me because it is often like a puzzle.

    Find the missing piece and there's your answer. So I have to develop different studying techniques to help me remember. Even then, I still have difficulties.

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  • The_white_shadow
    12 years ago

    Yes actually I find my self only remembering the things that I want to

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    Me too, I only remember what I want to.

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  • dappled
    12 years ago

    Women talk much differently than men. We treat a conversation as a flow of information which then needs to be stored. They treat a conversation as an opportunity to empathise and to be empathised with. The desserts aren't important, or who said what to whom. It's scene-setting. You're not expected to remember. You are expected to remember the important bits, though. And by important bits, I mean the important bits to a woman. It's actually not that hard. Men play the "illogical" card all the time and occasionally it's justified but, more often than not, women act more reasonably and transparently than men. We just don't notice.

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