Now before I start editing in paragraphs about the irony of you calling me an ignorant punk being that you seem to lack understanding of what it means when a person points out their thoughts as idealistic, I'll bid you good day and I hope you feel empowered now :)
That's just the problem. When parents start setting "ideals" for kids based on gender, those children are then restricted from possibly being something they want. They're now bound to something they think is "right".
That is the negative side effect of thinking that an ideal is something one should put into practice. These are parents that do not see their thoughts as ideals but rather what it HAS to be. Try to ask any of these parents if they see themselves as idealistic in any way for putting such gender role dependent teachings into practice... I can almost guarentee you that the majority of them don't see themselves as idealists but genuinely right.
I identify my thoughts as ideals and they are just that, IDEALS. I'd like to have a son that is protective of his younger sister and has the physical prowess to pull that off, but that is an IDEAL, and simply an ideal. The reality is, it is the job of my husband and myself to ensure that my daughter makes proper decisions regarding her health and happiness and if I were to ignore that fact then I would truly be worthy of being called an "ignorant punk".
As long as you do not make your children feel that pressure, or the inner-disappointment you have when they don't achieve that ideal. Because ideals often play a bigger part in our lives than we like to think.
Such is what happens when we fail to identify our ideals as that: ideals. Living on the notion that an ideal is anything but an ideal is the cause of much misery in any person, regardless of their beliefs.
And to answer your original question, I want at least one boy. Just because, really. Granted if I had a daughter that was a tomboy, I wouldn't mind that either. Hopefully I will get lucky and end up with at least one kid that likes to play rough.
I'm not going to bar words here, feminine little girly girls are not exactly my ideal when it comes to daughters, my husband would like daughters, but I'm more of a rough play kind of parent. I am capable of being sensitive and sympathetic towards daughters, and I'm sure I'd adapt, but being that I don't have kids yet, it's just fun to think about playing rough and being hands on with my kids as opposed to having to sit through a tea party and having to goo-goo the kid to stop crying when they harmlessly fall down (certainly not what I was used to when raising my brother), regardless of gender.
But like I said, just an ideal... *sigh* I don't know about the people that you have met, and I think you are placing too much value on what really is just an ideal, but I've spent a good amount of my life accepting that things may not always be the way I want them and in some cases it is better that way. Honestly, if you are going to keep pushing the case that I am going to be a terrible parent simply because of the ideals I have for how I'd like a family, regardless of my telling you that it is not what I believe what a family should be, then I'll leave you to do it. My parenting skills have not and do not reflect my ideals because my ideals are simply that, ideals. Reality and what is dreamed up in my mind are two different things.
And I understand that. Idealistic parents that see their ideals as practical don't. There's your differentiation.
Is it normal that I hate pregnant couples that want a boy?
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Now before I start editing in paragraphs about the irony of you calling me an ignorant punk being that you seem to lack understanding of what it means when a person points out their thoughts as idealistic, I'll bid you good day and I hope you feel empowered now :)
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thejabberwocky
11 years ago
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That's just the problem. When parents start setting "ideals" for kids based on gender, those children are then restricted from possibly being something they want. They're now bound to something they think is "right".
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NeuroNeptunian
11 years ago
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That is the negative side effect of thinking that an ideal is something one should put into practice. These are parents that do not see their thoughts as ideals but rather what it HAS to be. Try to ask any of these parents if they see themselves as idealistic in any way for putting such gender role dependent teachings into practice... I can almost guarentee you that the majority of them don't see themselves as idealists but genuinely right.
I identify my thoughts as ideals and they are just that, IDEALS. I'd like to have a son that is protective of his younger sister and has the physical prowess to pull that off, but that is an IDEAL, and simply an ideal. The reality is, it is the job of my husband and myself to ensure that my daughter makes proper decisions regarding her health and happiness and if I were to ignore that fact then I would truly be worthy of being called an "ignorant punk".
--
thejabberwocky
11 years ago
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As long as you do not make your children feel that pressure, or the inner-disappointment you have when they don't achieve that ideal. Because ideals often play a bigger part in our lives than we like to think.
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NeuroNeptunian
11 years ago
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Such is what happens when we fail to identify our ideals as that: ideals. Living on the notion that an ideal is anything but an ideal is the cause of much misery in any person, regardless of their beliefs.
And to answer your original question, I want at least one boy. Just because, really. Granted if I had a daughter that was a tomboy, I wouldn't mind that either. Hopefully I will get lucky and end up with at least one kid that likes to play rough.
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NeuroNeptunian
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thejabberwocky
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I'm not going to bar words here, feminine little girly girls are not exactly my ideal when it comes to daughters, my husband would like daughters, but I'm more of a rough play kind of parent. I am capable of being sensitive and sympathetic towards daughters, and I'm sure I'd adapt, but being that I don't have kids yet, it's just fun to think about playing rough and being hands on with my kids as opposed to having to sit through a tea party and having to goo-goo the kid to stop crying when they harmlessly fall down (certainly not what I was used to when raising my brother), regardless of gender.
But like I said, just an ideal... *sigh* I don't know about the people that you have met, and I think you are placing too much value on what really is just an ideal, but I've spent a good amount of my life accepting that things may not always be the way I want them and in some cases it is better that way. Honestly, if you are going to keep pushing the case that I am going to be a terrible parent simply because of the ideals I have for how I'd like a family, regardless of my telling you that it is not what I believe what a family should be, then I'll leave you to do it. My parenting skills have not and do not reflect my ideals because my ideals are simply that, ideals. Reality and what is dreamed up in my mind are two different things.
And I understand that. Idealistic parents that see their ideals as practical don't. There's your differentiation.
I think "ideal" is a strong word as it is.
You have a good chance of leaning on those ideals to run your household.