Is it normal that i had suicidal thoughts when i was 6?

4 Comments

When I was 6, I got into an embarrassing situation in school when I choked up for public reading (1st grade). The looks and laughs were the first time I had ever felt a deep pain and shame. It was manifesting itself in real physical pain in my wrists and toes and in the chest. Then later on I did something that angered my parents and after a scolding I went into the bathroom, locked the door and looked desperately into the mirror trying to understand why everyone hated me. It just felt like I needed to collapse into nothing and not bother anyone with my disgusting face ever again. Being six, I did know about death. This was when the first suicidal thought hit me. I have no idea how it just popped out of nowhere in my innocent mind. I just thought maybe I could plug the sink and fill it up and dip my head in until I inhaled as much cold water into my lungs as possible. I couldn't muster myself the courage to do it though. In the night I kept thinking about various ways to kill myself. I thought about running out of the school bus on to the street and getting hit and killed instantly by a passing truck. I thought about choking myself by tying a jump rope to a door knob or something. I literally have no idea how that thought came into my head. I've never seen a hanging on TV or anything like that before. I was panicking with the thoughts. And ever since that day they bug me. I still have them. Can't control them. Can't control what will happen to me. Just wanted to get it off my chest and see if anyone else had something similar. I doubt it though. :(

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Comments ( 4 )
  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    I'm sorry you've experienced so much pain. I've dealt with suicidal thoughts since I was ten, though I wouldn't be surprised if it goes back further for me. I just can't really remember before that. Also, if it makes you feel any better, I know a guy who's parents got called in for a conference with his teacher when he was in Kindergarten because the teacher thought he was suicidal. He's been struggling ever since, but he's about forty now. You're definitely not alone.

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  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    I think that it's normal. Anyone can have suicidal thoughts at any age, (given they're old enough to form rational thoughts), if they feel bad enough.

    I had suicidal thoughts when I was that age too, thanks to my unhappy childhood: no friends, home-schooled and trapped in the house all the time, narcissistic parent, and some other stuff.

    I can relate to your feelings of wanting to escape the shame and pain.

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  • TranscendingTerra
    6 years ago

    Was this an isolated incident, or have you had feelings of suicide in the years since this occurrence? I definitely won't say that it is normal for a six-year-old to have thoughts of suicide, but depending on what your home/family life may have been like at the time, and whether or not you had previously been exposed to any traumatic situations, an extreme reaction for such a young child may not be completely 'unprecedented'. If your feelings have persisted in the years since, then I would definitely urge you to seek help of some sort, because it very-well may be a condition that could be improved through various interventions. I wish you the best...

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    • lonelystar
      6 years ago

      Well it's come up many times since then. For over ten years now. I am trying to get better.

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