Is it normal that i get bummed if my boyfriend talks to a girl

So here's the deal, I,ve been with my bf for about 2 & a half years now and I love him so so much! But every time he talks to a girl I feel insecure and I get really anxious! And every time it happens I can't sleep and I start over thinking things - so anw there's this girl he s talkin to now, a realllly old friend from abroad and I'm kinda bugged which I know is absolutely stupid! Cos apparently they were only friends - but very time I read their mail ( he doesn't know I have his code - I think he forgot) anw every time I read their mugs I just feel insecure and anxious ! And I feel that I've become sorta obsessed over this guy ! And I need help, can someone Paz advise me:) thank you so much in advance x

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Based on 60 votes (40 yes)
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Comments ( 18 )
  • Corleone

    You've been with this guy for 2,5 years, so it's a pretty serious and longterm relationship. If you think it's a realistic possibility that he might cheat on you, then your relationship is based on whether or not he meets someone he wants to sleep with.
    You should be able to trust the person you're in a relationship with. If you don't think you can trust him, then I'm sorry to say your relationship isn't working out.

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  • equanimity

    You are acting like a crazy control freak. He is going to dump your sorry conniving ass once he finds out what you've been done behind his back.

    You've been so worried about him betraying you, that you have gone ahead and justified betraying him.

    Live and learn. He will.

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  • Plumpy

    @legion thanks:) Infact I did speak to him and we're much clearer on how we both feel .. I feel much better tbh and everything seems to be on a better level

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  • Legion

    you seem to be having trust issues with him. such suspicions, especially if they are ill-founded, can really hurt a relationship.

    Look into your relationship and see how well you are doing. If there's too much tension between you, or if you cant trust him, you may have to end it.

    And also, Snooping through your boyfriends personal stuff like that is a violation of trust, and If my girlfriend did that, id take it the same as cheating.

    talk to him about how you feel. then listen to how he feels about it. it will be hard, but necessary. hopefully it will give you the chance to see where your at, and maybe, a chance to rectify problems, regain your confidence in your boyfriend, and restore your relationship.

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  • TareBear20

    That's so retarded >.<! But, I bet it's okay for you to talk to you're guy friends, right? Rubbish!

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  • Plumpy

    Thanks so much guys! All of you lot have really knocked some sense into me and I like tht very much!!! I have to show him respect and stop snooping in his personal stuff, he!'s entitled to his privacy and like one of u mentioned above, doing tt behind his back can give him the motive to leave me - and yea I guess I don't want that, thanks you guys:)

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    • so try to get some guy friends, dont make him jealous or play mind games. but i think you having some guy friends and you will see how they are just friends to you and likely the same situation applies to your man. i honestly am not used to my oartner to have female friends, thank god he so jealous that he knows if he still talked to his old mates that would mean i would keep in touch with my old guy friends from school. also i heard sweedish people remain friends after breakups. so...

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      • Plumpy

        @spr-strppr
        Lol your gonna laugh T this but most of my friends are guys! That's the stupid part , I dunoe I guess I'm not reallly used to him talking to girls much so whenever he attempts to I get insecure - butive spoken to him andi told him to make more girl friends u know..but he has to have a limit and know where they stand .. I mean there IS a limit to everything and yeah - but anyway I guess everything's better now and I don't snoop around his mail anymore I gave it a good thought and yeah..and mines jealous too lol! He 's reallly well not REALLY jealous but he's actually more insecure than I am , I was never really an insecure person tbh :) after being with him for 3 years I guess I turned out to be like him lol.. But if he does talk to girls and stuff I guess I'll be cool with it after a while cos eventually they know who they love and where they belong and if he cheats then fine , his loss! I'll dump HIS ass lol - but thanks for ur advise:) x

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

    You need to remind yourself of this fact.

    Men are not objects like books or cups. You cannot just pick one up and stuff him in your pocket and walk off.

    Meaning... you CANNOT steal a man against his will. You CANNOT make him cheat unless he WANTS to cheat.

    However YOU ARE WRONG TO SNOOP.
    If you snoop and dislike what you see you only have yourself to blame.

    He has the right to privacy. Claiming your "insecurity" as your motive ... just means you're trying to justify actions you know are wrong. Don't lie to yourself like that.

    Show him some respect.

    Because what I said was true... he can't be stolen against his will. But treating him without respect and snooping in his personal mail CAN give him the motivation to leave you.

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  • MissClaire

    Its normal for a girl to want their guy to find them the most fascinating woman and so awesome that he wouldn’t need to talk to any other girl - you would fulfill all of his needs and urges.... ideally.

    However, just know that it is not a reflection of you not fulfilling his needs nor a determination of your inadequacy. He wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t want to be - you have to trust that. Furthermore, if you don’t feel fulfilled don’t be scared to recognize that.

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  • auzzie

    If your that insecure u should not have a boyfriend: you need to work on yourself, realize that your worth having and thus stop thinking he will cheat.

    Basically, the way you are acting, you are showing him that he may as well cheat as your not worth it.

    So pull your head in, so to speak

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  • Plumpy

    Yeah I know I feel horrible! But I don't trust him tbh !... I know he loves me and shit but I know what he's capable of which makes me insecure ..if you get me

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  • auzzie

    1. STOP snooping. Things out of context will make you paranoid and will make him feel violated as you are spying on him.
    2. Guys can have female friends, and I'm pretty sure you would hate it if he gave you trouble over your friends.
    3. TALK to him. Explain your fears, let him tell you they are unfounded then move on... Try to have some parts of your life that ate apart from him so that you don't drive him crazy and smother him.

    Example. My partner has mainly female friends, oddly I have mostly male. But we trust each other. Also, we both have our own interests to focus on so that we don't smother each other.
    Good luck

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  • Plumpy

    Some say something please lol! I'm seriously obsessed now

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  • YumInsanity

    You wouldn't be so untrusting if you didn't feel yourself to be secretly inadequate. He's probably having sex with her while you post questions on the internet

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    • Myghoul2099

      yeah,your right. it makes me uncomfortable to picture what's been going on all this time... sigh...

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      • YumInsanity

        Did you actually post this story? That was years ago

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  • Jbeiberhole69

    Stop dipping into his life if he finds out he wwilll dump ur sorry ass let him be

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