Is it normal that i find myself drifting between fantasy and reality

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4 Comments

I spent a lot of my life living somewhere between reality and the imaginary.

I feel fantastically elated when in my fantasies and much more capeable of almost anything I put my hand to.
Its a high unlike anything ive known,
Like the perfect summers day wrapped around your lungs.
So much so it feels like everything radiates light and glitter.

When I come back to reality, I become suicidally depressed after a few days and slip into a nightmarish state of shadows and paranoia and long for escape in any way possible, alcohol, suicide or self harm.

There are periods of calm where everything is "normal"
but I find this state somewhat dead.
Emotionless, and I lack sex drive, creativity or connection to anything to the point where i feel like im watching a tape recording.

Its like some barrier between worlds has broken and everything seeps through into each other.
The elation is magical, beautiful and soul filling. Everything makes sense.
The depression is like those horrorfilms where they cant get away from the serial killer no matter where they hide.

Please note that I am not suicidal any time than in such state.
I am "naturally" a very friendly and outgoing person, intelligent and logical. I do not take drugs of any kind [medicinal or recreational]

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Comments ( 4 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • karmasAbich
    11 years ago | pl

    To me, it sounds like manic depression or bipolar. My brother has this and it sounds very similar. Days of feeling bullet proof, to days feeling like your life is meaningless.
    Talk to a psychologist and get a definite and more in depth answer.
    I'm sorry you have these feelings, I know its hard and confusing.
    Good luck, best of wishes

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  • smilebee21
    11 years ago | pl

    It definitely sounds like Bi-Polar disorder or Manic Depressive Disorder. I have a mild form of it . Feeling like your on top of the world one moment and a piece of crap the next....extreme moments of creative genius and then moments of profound dullness. When you experience mania , you can stay up all night without sleeping , you may feel so wound up that you're a bit edgy and jumpy. Your more outgoing or impulsive than usual etc... When your depressive , have no energy , feel bummed for no reason , unproductive and tired all the time....etc... See a psychologist and get the help you need.

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago | pl

      "It definitely sounds like Bi-Polar disorder or Manic Depressive Disorder" they are the same thing. Manic Depressive is an outdated term for Bi polar because they found that they arnt depressed all the time. Infact some are overly happy and eccentric most of the time, as episodes last for days usually not hours or minutes. Bi polar replaced it because it describes "bi" moods, happy and sad. The actor Stephen Fry noted his bi polar as very little depression with mostly elevated moods.

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  • Thorzz
    11 years ago | pl

    To me, it seems as though you like controllling what's going on around you and in your life. And so you drift away into a fantasy world that you completely make up and control. I think this stems from the fact that maybe you might not be able to or feel that you are not able to cope and deal with everyday life.
    I suggest you go talk to a psychologist about this. Its the best thing you could do. But you have to have the will to get out of this world too.

    In the end, you're your own solution. You just need to find those little things in life that make it beautiful because this is the world we live in and we can only deal with what we have, not what we dont have, such as fantasy worlds.

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