Is it normal that i felt an urge to spread blood on my lips ?

7 Comments

Hi.
I prefer to warn you : it'll be a rather graphic text and topic so if you don't feel ok with this, please leave.
Tw: Self harm, blood.
I have self harm issues. I was clean for 7 months and started to do it again a few weeks ago. However, something new occurred : I was a little bit obsessed with my blood, especially how red it was.
I thought nothing about it, just supposed that it was due to the blood loss or the "euphoria" you feel right after cutting
However, I did it a second time and a really weird thing happened. I scratched my wound and it started to bleed. I was obsessed with the blood once again. I let it drip, watched it intensively and suddenly I felt an urge to put some on my fingers and spread it on my lips. I tried not to do it, but I failed after like 10 mins. Even when I was doing it, I knew it was strange and not ok, but I didn't care. After a while I looked at my reflection for a few mins. I had to stop because I felt a burning sensation on my lips so I washed the blood away.

I'm not posting this to be edgy, I've chosen an anonymous site on purpose. Please don't judge me and just tell me what it could be
Sorry for my poor grammar as English is not my first language
I've had have a few mental health disorders in the past, but nothing like this

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Comments ( 7 )
  • Imagrower_8
    5 years ago

    Damn... this isnt still a fetish thing right no jugy... but not a turn on 😲

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  • YourMortalEmily
    5 years ago

    Please, find someone to talk to. I'm sorry that you relapsed, but you need some help. Having blood so near to your mouth is an easy way to contract some pretty serious diseases. If it's for the taste, I would recommend wearing a metal necklace to chew on. It sounds like you were doing really well staying clean, and I hope you can continue on that path despite this hiccup.

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  • nullium
    5 years ago

    i personally do not find this normal but to each their own

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  • lululemon
    5 years ago

    There is no real "normal" when it comes to a condition where one faces so much inner pain; I spent many years in treatment for various mental illnesses and had moments to myself that would seem very abnormal to others.

    It doesn't make you crazy, although it may feel like it sometimes. I HIGHLY recommend talking about this with a licensed therapist (if you have one already, if not it would be good to start to find one). That's not because I'm judging you, just because I care and it is what helped me. Dangerous behavior can be worked through, although it is a process.

    Stay safe <3

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    You know what’ll happen, not judging but of course you put yourself on this site for judgement.

    You could get gangerene, you could get staph, you could get tetanus. Next thing you know, you’ll have one less arm to cut.

    My sister used to self harm, I didn’t know about it she moved out. All of the issues she was having with image and self worth were just too much for her I guess and man I felt awful that I couldn’t do anything about it.

    But she now releases that pent up anxiety and hurt through exercise and muscle building.

    Might i suggest you find a different outlet and soon. Otherwise, who gives a flying fuck that you cut? My apologies if that sounded rude, but ‘not for attention’ my ass. That shit is a cry for help.

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    Cheep lipstick.

    Watch out that ya don't get a bad infection or that flesh eating virus thing.

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  • LloydAsher
    5 years ago

    Ew. No its not to get help.

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