When I was a young child I would watch this show "the muppets" and there is this character miss piggy who would hit and kick male characters but never get hit back, and I always thought this was so unfair it made me mad but also I would get hard.
Then there were other cartoons where a female character hurt the men, and then some would show her upset about something big or small and would hit or kick them in the balls.
This made me so angry as it is so unfair that they couldn't even make her feel that pain back if they wanted. And how she could decide to put them in such pain and then go along with her day never even knowing what it is.
But this made me so hard, the cruelty of her behavior made me turned on, but only in this way.
Then as I got older I was always the worst at sports and was close with my parents and always wanted connection with them.
When I started looking at girls, they were always clothed and always not in a relationship with me. And I developed this idea that of course it is unlikely that the most beautiful woman in the world would want me, and began to feel like any woman not wanting me enhanced her status and her beauty.(this is the main reason I don't know if you want to keep reading)
At the same time I had built an identity in this concept that I was undesirable to girls. And instead I was close to my parents, even though I always told myself I wanted the opposite.
I was at one or two points laughed at by girls, which may have enforced this, but my excitement in this was there already.
When I turned 18 I discovered in a pretty short time period both that I enjoyed personally being the victim in those old ball punching scenarios, something I had never considered. And also that I was sexually desirable to these very attractive girls I thought I could never have.
So it was interesting to incorporate all of these at once, also learning if a girl likes you she probably will enjoy punching your balls 😂 if she knows that is special for you.
To be more specific about this, I don't enjoy the pain, so much as hearing a girl say "I'm going to punch you in the balls" makes me think she is OK with doing it/me having that pain and THIS is what is a turn on for me.
So today the two have gotten mixed, into this overall idea that sexual rejection, is a sign of a woman's attractiveness and superiority over men in general which also is a turn on.
And it also allows me to remain in this receiving role where I am ironically feeling more safe and secure, than the typical male dominant role which is always fun but I find quite boring compared to these much deeper parts of me.
Is it normal that I feel very uncomfortable about looking good?
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When I was a young child I would watch this show "the muppets" and there is this character miss piggy who would hit and kick male characters but never get hit back, and I always thought this was so unfair it made me mad but also I would get hard.
Then there were other cartoons where a female character hurt the men, and then some would show her upset about something big or small and would hit or kick them in the balls.
This made me so angry as it is so unfair that they couldn't even make her feel that pain back if they wanted. And how she could decide to put them in such pain and then go along with her day never even knowing what it is.
But this made me so hard, the cruelty of her behavior made me turned on, but only in this way.
Then as I got older I was always the worst at sports and was close with my parents and always wanted connection with them.
When I started looking at girls, they were always clothed and always not in a relationship with me. And I developed this idea that of course it is unlikely that the most beautiful woman in the world would want me, and began to feel like any woman not wanting me enhanced her status and her beauty.(this is the main reason I don't know if you want to keep reading)
At the same time I had built an identity in this concept that I was undesirable to girls. And instead I was close to my parents, even though I always told myself I wanted the opposite.
I was at one or two points laughed at by girls, which may have enforced this, but my excitement in this was there already.
When I turned 18 I discovered in a pretty short time period both that I enjoyed personally being the victim in those old ball punching scenarios, something I had never considered. And also that I was sexually desirable to these very attractive girls I thought I could never have.
So it was interesting to incorporate all of these at once, also learning if a girl likes you she probably will enjoy punching your balls 😂 if she knows that is special for you.
To be more specific about this, I don't enjoy the pain, so much as hearing a girl say "I'm going to punch you in the balls" makes me think she is OK with doing it/me having that pain and THIS is what is a turn on for me.
So today the two have gotten mixed, into this overall idea that sexual rejection, is a sign of a woman's attractiveness and superiority over men in general which also is a turn on.
And it also allows me to remain in this receiving role where I am ironically feeling more safe and secure, than the typical male dominant role which is always fun but I find quite boring compared to these much deeper parts of me.