Okay, there will be a lot of atheists coming soon...
So here's my opinion as a christian assuming that god is real:
I think at the base of your suffering lies the believe that god is all controlling. So if something good happenes to you it's god rewarding you (for praying or being good or whatever) and if something bad happens it's god punishing you. I don't believe this to be true. God is all knowing and all powerfull, but that doesen't automatically make him the cause of everything - Just because he CAN controll everything doesen't mean he does. For example: You could kill a snail. But that doesen't mean when a snail dies it had to be you. So in the same way when something bad happens to you it could have happened just because.
"For He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust."
Don't be afraid of god. All good things come from him. Whenever god punishes people in the bible he warns them first (usually many times). For example he sends a prophet keeps saing: If you don't change this and that, god will make this happen. They never have to figure out what it was after it happened. God isn't an angry psycho who wants to see you suffer. It's just the opposite: When you suffer he's the one you can always turn to and who will love you just as you are.
Honestly, I don't even think when god actually does "punish" somone he causes his pain. It's just the natural result of his selfish behaviour. So because god loves him he tried to protect him. But sometimes you have to see what mistakes lead to in order to learn from them.
There are a lot of things like this fear of punishment that people where broad up with in western society. It sure makes it easier to contorll children. But teachings like that aren't any better then what the pharisees used to keep the people down.
I'd suggest you read the bible yourself and especially what jesus said and try not to look at it through your cultural lense. You will find that there's a lot more love and a lot less guilt in his words then what most religious leaders would like you to believe.
Is it normal that I feel like God wants to harm me?
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Okay, there will be a lot of atheists coming soon...
So here's my opinion as a christian assuming that god is real:
I think at the base of your suffering lies the believe that god is all controlling. So if something good happenes to you it's god rewarding you (for praying or being good or whatever) and if something bad happens it's god punishing you. I don't believe this to be true. God is all knowing and all powerfull, but that doesen't automatically make him the cause of everything - Just because he CAN controll everything doesen't mean he does. For example: You could kill a snail. But that doesen't mean when a snail dies it had to be you. So in the same way when something bad happens to you it could have happened just because.
"For He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust."
Don't be afraid of god. All good things come from him. Whenever god punishes people in the bible he warns them first (usually many times). For example he sends a prophet keeps saing: If you don't change this and that, god will make this happen. They never have to figure out what it was after it happened. God isn't an angry psycho who wants to see you suffer. It's just the opposite: When you suffer he's the one you can always turn to and who will love you just as you are.
Honestly, I don't even think when god actually does "punish" somone he causes his pain. It's just the natural result of his selfish behaviour. So because god loves him he tried to protect him. But sometimes you have to see what mistakes lead to in order to learn from them.
There are a lot of things like this fear of punishment that people where broad up with in western society. It sure makes it easier to contorll children. But teachings like that aren't any better then what the pharisees used to keep the people down.
I'd suggest you read the bible yourself and especially what jesus said and try not to look at it through your cultural lense. You will find that there's a lot more love and a lot less guilt in his words then what most religious leaders would like you to believe.