You've developed a complex over your memories of fear, embarrassment
What's healthy is to be at peace with yourself. Not too upset over anything, not happy or pleased to a fault. Like zen I think
So acting out a revenge plot on childhood events, which by 22 you should be at a point where you're no longer even complicated by the events socially, suggests that those memories hold such a negative value that you feel compelled to act on them, you can't even comprehend how to let it go
You suffered at a point in your life, it's okay. The goal of recovery is to move past trauma to the point it doesn't affect you anymore.
If anything it should teach you how to live a life that justifies who you are
That said, I've had moments where I imagine torture on someone. The last time was on this guy who should have been a caveman. I wanted to go find a few hoodlums, maybe even five, and pay them to knock him out, but that's not all.
They would then tie him up and deliver him to a facility, a storage unit perhaps, where he would then be tied down to a table oh so very securely and left to his own devices for a few days, maybe a week.
I would wait for his body to start digesting itself and let fear and panic really take a hold of him. I would probably show up masked and set up a camera and a brand new exacto knife or something similar. I'd play with my food, of course. But ultimately I envisioned slicing off slivers of his eyeballs and basking in his screams.
Now I could do that for 2, maybe 5 hundred bucks, but I would be a total fucking psychopath. Things like this may help you get over whatever, but let them go soon. You may end up doing something you regret if you're not like mentally healthy, you know?
IIN That I dream of torturing my childhood bullies?
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You've developed a complex over your memories of fear, embarrassment
What's healthy is to be at peace with yourself. Not too upset over anything, not happy or pleased to a fault. Like zen I think
So acting out a revenge plot on childhood events, which by 22 you should be at a point where you're no longer even complicated by the events socially, suggests that those memories hold such a negative value that you feel compelled to act on them, you can't even comprehend how to let it go
You suffered at a point in your life, it's okay. The goal of recovery is to move past trauma to the point it doesn't affect you anymore.
If anything it should teach you how to live a life that justifies who you are
That said, I've had moments where I imagine torture on someone. The last time was on this guy who should have been a caveman. I wanted to go find a few hoodlums, maybe even five, and pay them to knock him out, but that's not all.
They would then tie him up and deliver him to a facility, a storage unit perhaps, where he would then be tied down to a table oh so very securely and left to his own devices for a few days, maybe a week.
I would wait for his body to start digesting itself and let fear and panic really take a hold of him. I would probably show up masked and set up a camera and a brand new exacto knife or something similar. I'd play with my food, of course. But ultimately I envisioned slicing off slivers of his eyeballs and basking in his screams.
Now I could do that for 2, maybe 5 hundred bucks, but I would be a total fucking psychopath. Things like this may help you get over whatever, but let them go soon. You may end up doing something you regret if you're not like mentally healthy, you know?