Is it normal that i dont care about anyone and anything

To start off
Im german so please excuse my english
Yeah i really dont know what to write here since i dont know how to start but lets start with me im 18 and im going to school in germany where i have "friends" and i think They like me and accept me as for who i let them think i am. I never told it to anybody but my father and my mother, my father tried to listen to me while crying as i told him that i cant develop feelings for anybody or anything and that i dont even care for him. With my mother it was different ( my parents split up when i was 6, and i lived at my moms house after the divorce till sie sent me off to a boarding school for kids who dont behave well because "you look to much like your father and im scared of you"((im a big guy eversince i hit puberty))my father was never around after the divorce she sent me to the boarding school on my 14th birthday, i cryied every night and begged her to take me home, she wouldnt even look at me, and since then i stopped seeing her as my mom she just was my birthgiver to me) she just kicked me out crying as i told her what i think of her.( out of the blue when i hit 16 my father came back in to my life and offered me to live with him(( at that point i didnt know that my father was in jail and raped my mother after the divorce. Now i know it and i really dont care that he did that i lived with him until my aunt found out half a year ago that i lived with him and we didnt have a place to stay and almost nothing to eat days went by where we wouldnt eat because he always is hoping for the big money in the sports bar. He is a criminal, four times in those 2 years that i lived with him he actually made like 40-70 thousand euros circa twice a year by robbing and stuff like that and lost it always within a month by playing poker and again the sports bar. My aunt offered me that i could stay with her and now my life is kinda going into a good direction)))i was only visiting her and i really dont care that i havent spoken to her for half a year now. I been smoking weed to numb the pain for 3 years now, not having that type of money i started dealing drugs to finance that. (my boarding school and my mother are in baden-baden and when i moved to my father, me and him lived in karlsruhe. The two cities are 40 kilometers apart (( i dont know miles))) as i moved to my father i had to change schools. So i went to a new school in karlsruhe. And what a coincidence in my new class there is a drug dealer in it. I hit it off with him ( i stopped selling drugs after i moved to karlsruhe since i didnt know anybody) told him some of my background and since then we became friends. Every day in school and after school we would hang out and smoke weed since i didnt have any money and he knew how my life was going he always had me covered with weed so i could smoke even if he wasnt there for free. After a year he got kicked out of school because of getting caught selling drugs in school. I had to change the class because my plans changed i decided to get a higher grade of school education because i want to be a police officer since i cant imagine me working anywhere and police officer is paid well and has good rent ( i dont know if rent is the right word i mean after you stop working because you are too old. And you get some kind of money in germany after you are too old and you get more as a policeman) so i care into the new class and guess what another dealer and the whole class is full of pottheads. I have bad grades and i will have to repeat this year due to bad grades. I moved in with my aunt two months ago and stopped smoking weed. I was really addicted im really struggling with the situation.

Im very sorry for the long and probably difficult to read text. But it fehlt neccesary to give a background.

My problem is that i feel the need to develop feelings like others do. I feel very weird because i cant feel anything and weed was really helping me not to care about that i dont care.( does that make sense?) and now that i stopped smoking it its really hard for me to live and go on living. Im not selfish, and if anyone needs anything or if for example i almost got kicked out of school because of this, a black boy from my school ( i only knew that he was at my school) was at a train station waiting for a train and some skinheads aproached him and said the N word and really assaulted him saying that he should go back to his dirty country. Well i stepped in without asking questions throwing punches. We ended up getting beaten up by 6 skinheads i got away with broken ribs and the black guy had a broken jaw, the skinheads had 2 jaws broken and 3 kneecaps kicked to jerusalem. But well anyone who has been in a fight knows 2vs 6 without knifes or bats knows that you really need to be 2 black belts in jui juitsu or something to possibly win that. If i hate something its racism.

Just to mention i had girls in those classes and as soon as they aproached me i told them that i didnt care for them and none of their shit. Two liked me and wouldnt stop coming to my but i was ashamed that i was homeless an i had no money so i told them that i wasnt interested. Im not a sexual, all i can feel is sexual affection and the need to look after my 16 year old brother. I have a 11 year old brother but i really dont care about him.

Im really struggling and if anyone really reads this. Thank you for that please let me know what you think.

Thank you