Is it normal that i don't want to forget her ?

Ok here's my story .. first time i saw her ( lets call her "H" ) i felt something , but i was strong enough to not care about it .. and months came by without thinking about it .. until the day i saw a picture of her and was reminded by the moment we shared and how her eyes looked when she smiled , and i tried to reach her , believe me i really tried but got rejected in every possible way to make me accept that she was too good for me and keep on going with my life , i talked to other girls , alot of them actually and i got in a 2 years relationship but i wasn't really in it if you know what i mean , i did hurt that girl but i tried for 2 years and even forced myself to feel something for her , but i just couldn't see another girl eventually broke up , by now i got sick i gotta be honest i smoke alot but sickness didn't make me stop i kept on doing it and didn't care , i was so sad and started to just lose i became so isolated in collage and so violent i hurt alot of people , like i've caused physical pain .
One day .. that god damn day i lost myself and i grapped my phone and sent an anonymous massage to her i told her everything wrong in my life and that its been 3 years now but i can't forget you and despite everything wrong i have going on i don't care about it i just want you "H" ... I just wanted her .
I was so much angry and depressed when i sent that massage that i forgot i ever did .. weeks keep by , she obviously had alot of famliy issues like divorces and things , she couldn't even pass high school to make it to collage , she decided to reply to the anonymous massage it started like this : ( i know this is a fake nameless profile so you've probably forgotten about it ... ) And she said everything wrong in her life .. i never logged out of that fake profile i got the massage and instantly read it , i was so surprised .
Fate ..when i think about i saw her coming, 3 years i haven't seen her but that week before she replied i saw her everyday by coincidence .. fate creative it invents ways to hurt even when you think that there isn't anything left to lose .
I saw that she wasn't happy she was sad i talked to her for a week about her issues without revealing how i am beacuse i was afraid of another rejection , she fell in love with me without knowing who i am , it was glory days , we didn't sleep we just talked , i told her who i am but it didn't matter she already fell for me .. we have spent a year togather , i loved her so much i had the world she loved me too , I've helped her with her family i helped her to pass high school she into collage now . But somewhere along the line she changed and i lost my way for a while but i wasn't afraid because i had her , had my love , im not gonna make this story any longer but i want you to know it was beautiful , she's gone now , one day she decided there's someone better and she's not happy with me but i don't believe that because i did everything to do despite my flaws .. flaws doesn't matter i was changing for the way she wants me to and i knew as long as she's with me i'll be better everyday .
She hurt me alot with last words .. i was crying she was laughing and saying i don't feel you , i asked fot second chance .. second chance to do what ? I don't know but i'll do it for her . She kept lying about the reason why she wants to leave me , she said there's someone else but there isn't , she had a male friend i wasn't ok with it she kept on talking to him behind my back and saying she wasn't happy with me and he encouraged her to dump me , i forgived her 4 times when she spoke with me behind my back because i thought nothing matters its forever .
Now she's friends with him , im alone , she's happy , its been 2 months now i suffer from clincal depression , i have so much rage and guilt , panic attacks while crying ain't pretty .
I lost her , i will always love her " i have lost the will to live simply nothing more to give , emptiness is filling me to the point of agony " . Thats my story

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Comments ( 3 )
  • JonathanOo

    It's a beautiful story. Just keep loving her from afar and be patient. You may get blessed again in a year or two just like you already did. I wouldn't give up hope 😇

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    • I didn't forget her after 2 years and i haven't talked to her that time .. how long will it take to heal after i've known her well , i knew her better than she did herself , cant see myself pulling through

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      • JonathanOo

        Might never go away. Unless you meet someone else like her or better

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