I respect that you politely and kindly addressed this topic, so I'd just like to thank you for that.
I myself have struggled with MDD and GAD for some years, and have also been.. Well, a rather intense cutter as a result unfortunately.
I guess for me, it's a number of different reasons and triggers that give me the urge to hurt myself.
I suppose one would be self-hatred or disgust. Due to the way I think and how I handle situations, I am not comfotable with myself and find myself thinking "Why did you do that?" or "What the hell are you doing, you idiot?" quite a lot. I become self centred, and then feel guilty about being so selfish. As a result, I feel I somewhat deserve the pain I feel.
Another reason, can simply be from life becoming too much. Even little things can become overwhelming sometimes, and I think when lots and lots of things just build up over time, my brain goes into a frenzy, and cutting is the only way I can sort of bring myself back to the present. I guess meditation could be used and a healthy alternative, but when your thoughts are racing so ridiculously and you can't focus, I never have the "time" to think of anything else other than quick, simple, physical pain.
And I suppose, the one last part of it all is; It becomes addictive. I know that sounds crazy, and believe me, the people who become addicted, KNOW that it's crazy. But it's a quick release, a quick escape, a quick way to focus on a physical burning sensation instead of an emotional one. It's just simple and effective. I feel terrible for saying, but I like the feeling. I feel light-headed and sleepy afterwards. My mind slows down and I can just sit there without over-thinking for a while.
Anyway, I hope this helps and hope you're doing well!
Is it normal that I don't understand cutters?
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I respect that you politely and kindly addressed this topic, so I'd just like to thank you for that.
I myself have struggled with MDD and GAD for some years, and have also been.. Well, a rather intense cutter as a result unfortunately.
I guess for me, it's a number of different reasons and triggers that give me the urge to hurt myself.
I suppose one would be self-hatred or disgust. Due to the way I think and how I handle situations, I am not comfotable with myself and find myself thinking "Why did you do that?" or "What the hell are you doing, you idiot?" quite a lot. I become self centred, and then feel guilty about being so selfish. As a result, I feel I somewhat deserve the pain I feel.
Another reason, can simply be from life becoming too much. Even little things can become overwhelming sometimes, and I think when lots and lots of things just build up over time, my brain goes into a frenzy, and cutting is the only way I can sort of bring myself back to the present. I guess meditation could be used and a healthy alternative, but when your thoughts are racing so ridiculously and you can't focus, I never have the "time" to think of anything else other than quick, simple, physical pain.
And I suppose, the one last part of it all is; It becomes addictive. I know that sounds crazy, and believe me, the people who become addicted, KNOW that it's crazy. But it's a quick release, a quick escape, a quick way to focus on a physical burning sensation instead of an emotional one. It's just simple and effective. I feel terrible for saying, but I like the feeling. I feel light-headed and sleepy afterwards. My mind slows down and I can just sit there without over-thinking for a while.
Anyway, I hope this helps and hope you're doing well!