I was raped when I was 7, and to be honest..I don't hate him either. Not anymore. I don't remember much other than flashed of being scared, confused and in pain. He threatened me that if I tell anyone they will blame me and that I was at fault, and being a young little girl without brains I didn't. I only spoke of it when I was 13, a year after getting my first period, but he was already in jail. (Have a wild guess for what, lol. He sure loved children)
I was angry. Not immediately, after years. When I first had sex..something quickly influenced my sexuality, turned me submissive/a little masochistic, and after that happened, my hatred was relieved. That is a way of coping- sexual deviants in the BDSM spectrum are all mechanisms of coping.
Nobody has exactly the same coping mechanisms. And as long as the coping mechanism isn't self-defeating (example: smoking, drinking, abuse of drugs), then your coping mechanism is all good. It's normal.
No judgment here. I am just curious. You're saying that being submissive in sex helped relieve (or it seems dissipated) your anger from being raped? How is this so? Any place I can read more about this?
BDSM used to be in DSM-V (lol- Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders), until it was actually shown that as long as it stays out of the pathological spectrum, it has positive mental benefits.
For my own case, it helped me turn trauma into something enjoyable- and even making fun of yourself/your problems is a healthy emotional-centered coping mechanism. Such is BDSM.
By "pathology" I mean actual damage (inflicted on someone or self-inflicted) for a period of at least 6 months. To give an example on the pathological spectrum- a woman enjoys being choked until she passes out everytime she has sex. And she does so for 6 months with her partner, and this leads tooo- have a wild guess? Low blood pressure and heart problems. In this case both partners are in the pathological spectrum.
It's hard to generalize in psychology. You can easily do that in chemistry, for example- you've seen a carbon atom, you've seen them all. Can't do the same for humans. Firstly there is needed to have particular theories(two, for example), and you can make a bridge and generalize on the two, as Tesla did in physics. But it's harder to do so in psychology, so don't take only my own experience as representative, just take these as particular cases. And studies did generalize on these particularities, using various scales and randomized samples- showing that it is actually healthy.
I suggest reading a little about coping mechanisms, basic psychology,experimental statistics and methodology in data analysis so you can read actual research papers, not media bs. Afterwards, open google academic and researchgate to crack studies, research and meta-analysis that isn't free, and you're good to go.
IIN that I don't hate my rapist?
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I was raped when I was 7, and to be honest..I don't hate him either. Not anymore. I don't remember much other than flashed of being scared, confused and in pain. He threatened me that if I tell anyone they will blame me and that I was at fault, and being a young little girl without brains I didn't. I only spoke of it when I was 13, a year after getting my first period, but he was already in jail. (Have a wild guess for what, lol. He sure loved children)
I was angry. Not immediately, after years. When I first had sex..something quickly influenced my sexuality, turned me submissive/a little masochistic, and after that happened, my hatred was relieved. That is a way of coping- sexual deviants in the BDSM spectrum are all mechanisms of coping.
Nobody has exactly the same coping mechanisms. And as long as the coping mechanism isn't self-defeating (example: smoking, drinking, abuse of drugs), then your coping mechanism is all good. It's normal.
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NormalIsAsNormalDoes
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No judgment here. I am just curious. You're saying that being submissive in sex helped relieve (or it seems dissipated) your anger from being raped? How is this so? Any place I can read more about this?
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LackOfSand
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https://www.google.ro/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/standard-deviations/201610/bdsm-harm-reduction%3Famp
BDSM used to be in DSM-V (lol- Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders), until it was actually shown that as long as it stays out of the pathological spectrum, it has positive mental benefits.
For my own case, it helped me turn trauma into something enjoyable- and even making fun of yourself/your problems is a healthy emotional-centered coping mechanism. Such is BDSM.
By "pathology" I mean actual damage (inflicted on someone or self-inflicted) for a period of at least 6 months. To give an example on the pathological spectrum- a woman enjoys being choked until she passes out everytime she has sex. And she does so for 6 months with her partner, and this leads tooo- have a wild guess? Low blood pressure and heart problems. In this case both partners are in the pathological spectrum.
It's hard to generalize in psychology. You can easily do that in chemistry, for example- you've seen a carbon atom, you've seen them all. Can't do the same for humans. Firstly there is needed to have particular theories(two, for example), and you can make a bridge and generalize on the two, as Tesla did in physics. But it's harder to do so in psychology, so don't take only my own experience as representative, just take these as particular cases. And studies did generalize on these particularities, using various scales and randomized samples- showing that it is actually healthy.
I suggest reading a little about coping mechanisms, basic psychology,experimental statistics and methodology in data analysis so you can read actual research papers, not media bs. Afterwards, open google academic and researchgate to crack studies, research and meta-analysis that isn't free, and you're good to go.
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NormalIsAsNormalDoes
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Thanks for the info