I don't think this is healthy or strong as people are suggesting: as someone who was in a similar position before the perpetrator died, I also "forgot" about what he'd done when I saw him as an adult in family situations. My late mother, who knew about the abuse, would also "forget" about it at family gatherings to the extent of telling me to kiss him.. This is self-protective behaviour when we're in a situation we can't deal with.
I'd suggest that even at this late stage, some counselling from someone experienced in this area of abuse would be a very good idea.
Sorry if I misunderstood and good on you if you can forgive, I know that does take time and in some instances never happens. After decades of pontificating by many "experts" that abuse survivors must forgive to heal, it's now generally accepted that this is not in fact compulory.
Is it normal that I don't exactly hate my abuser?
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I don't think this is healthy or strong as people are suggesting: as someone who was in a similar position before the perpetrator died, I also "forgot" about what he'd done when I saw him as an adult in family situations. My late mother, who knew about the abuse, would also "forget" about it at family gatherings to the extent of telling me to kiss him.. This is self-protective behaviour when we're in a situation we can't deal with.
I'd suggest that even at this late stage, some counselling from someone experienced in this area of abuse would be a very good idea.
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AryaWaters
8 years ago
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But I didn't "forgot". I haven't "forgotten".
It's more like I forgave. But I won't forget.
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Ellenna
8 years ago
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Sorry if I misunderstood and good on you if you can forgive, I know that does take time and in some instances never happens. After decades of pontificating by many "experts" that abuse survivors must forgive to heal, it's now generally accepted that this is not in fact compulory.