Is it normal that i didn't lose my virginity until i was 26

84% Normal
10 Comments

I was fat and unattractive as a teenager and didn't get in shape until I was 23. In addition to this I had constant negative messages about sex rammed down my throat and was told I 'can't go sleeping around.' Now I'm torn between not enjoying sex and not wanting it. I wasn't able to have it until some junkie found me on instagram shortly before my 26th birthday and was infatuated with me for some reason. I had to go through hell in order to hook up with her because she was married. Obviously I'm ashamed of this experience and wish things had played out differently. Am I really the much of an oddity or have other people had similar experiences? I feel really traumatized due to all of this and I'm not sure I'll ever be normal

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84% Normal
Based on 37 votes (31 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • e51pegasi
    6 years ago

    Chalk this one down to experience & move on.

    Get yourself out & about. You never know what may happen. Many people have had sexual experiences that weren't great or something that they aren't proud of, me included. I just put it down to bad judgement & learned.

    All part of life's rich tapestry.

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  • zyxwxxx
    6 years ago

    Not losing virginity is good fortune or good judgement. Either of the two, or may be both.

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  • LonelyBlossom
    6 years ago

    I'm 16 and I've never even kissed anyone, this post made me feel better, not so weird.

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  • bob7
    6 years ago

    Why do guys refer to first sex as losing virginity

    :)

    Butyea your a fuccking asshole for helping a women cheat on her partner

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  • Boojum
    6 years ago

    According to the CDC, around 5% of Americans aged 25-29 are virgins, so you weren't some sort of freak.

    Your experience with the hook-up clearly wasn't the best introduction to sex, but it happened. You can't change that, but you can shift your focus to moving on.

    You don't say what specifically you found so bad about the encounter. Whatever it was, I'm sure you aren't so unique that you were the first person to ever go through the experience and feel whatever you did.

    I don't understand why you're "obviously" ashamed about what happened. You wanted to have sex, and she wanted to have sex. If you'd raped her, then you would have very good reason to feel guilt and shame. If she raped you, then you's also have good cause to feel traumatized. But it sounds like that is not what happened.

    If you feel ashamed because she was married, well, yeah, you could have taken the moral high-ground and refused. I'm sure your preacher and your parents and every other sexually-repressed person in your life would have approved. But your life is your concern, and her life is her concern. Did I miss the announcement appointing you to be the world's morality cop? If the woman wanted to have sex outside her marriage - which she obviously did - then the odds are pretty damn good that it would have been with someone else if you'd declined her offer.

    Frankly, whatever exactly happened between the two of you, it's a pretty good bet that it was a lot better than what you would have experienced if you'd ended up with a virgin and you'd both fumbled your way through it all.

    There's no law requiring everyone to like or want sex. If you don't want it, that's fine. If you do want it, but you feel so paralyzed by guilt and shame that you can't do anything about it, then I suggest you seek professional counselling.

    Bottom line: get over yourself. It happened. Knowing what you know now, you probably wouldn't have done it, but that applies to a lot of shit everyone does.

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    • xphile89
      6 years ago

      I should have added that her excuse to get out of the house was to go to rehab and I was forced to pick her up there before we went to a hotel. This treatment center was located next to a military academy and I got lost for a little while trying to find it. This already got things off to a bad start. In general I was just ashamed that the only person who had ever shown interest in me was a heroin addict. It took me two hours to get an erection because of how nervous I was and I didn't even end up finishing. For a while she kept stalking me on social media and getting into it with any girl I was friends with on Instagram. Her husband eventually found out about me and I was worried he would try to find me. Nobody should have to go to these extremes for sex they won't even enjoy

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      • Boojum
        6 years ago

        Okay, I think I understand now.

        Heroin addicts are loathsome, despicable sub-humans, and since you had a sexual encounter with one, you must be as low as them or even lower.

        Society looks down on addicts. On the Disgusting People scale, they're right down there in the shit along with pedophiles and mass murderers.

        But do you actually believe this woman grew up with the dream of becoming a heroin addict and living the totally crap life which that involves? Do you think that she was a revolting, disgusting infant? Do you believe she was a skanky, loathsome three year-old?

        The odds are that at some point in her life, things turned to shit. Maybe she was abused or neglected as a kid, or maybe she had a good early childhood, but then something really nasty happened to her in adolescence. Someone could have done something to her, or maybe something neurochemical went wrong due to her genes as she got older. Whatever the cause, when she used heroin, it made her feel a lot better about herself.

        She has obviously made some bad decisions in her life. If your life had been exactly the same as hers, you might have made exactly the same bad choices.

        Some people can smoke two cigarettes a day and enjoy the buzz; some people need forty a day to feel normal. Heavy smokers aren't weak and despicable people lacking moral fiber, they just happen to have brains that are susceptible to nicotine addiction, and possibly bodies that remove nicotine from the bloodstream very efficiently.

        Heroin has the reputation of causing addiction on first use, but it's actually not that simple. My wife tried heroin a couple times as a teenager. She didn't enjoy the feeling, and she never used it again. It's likely the woman you met just happened to be highly susceptible to heroin addiction, the feeling she got from it made life seem a helluva lot better, and she was in an environment where the drug was available and its use was acceptable to the people around her.

        Once the heroin monkey is on your back, it is extremely difficult to shake it off.

        You say she stalked you on social media afterwards. I'm not sure what you mean when you say she got into it with any girls connected to you on Instagram, but I assume you mean she was acting possessive and jealous. All that suggests she didn't find the sexual encounter as negative as you did.

        Consider this: maybe, even though the sex wasn't a great success, the hassles you went through in order to be with her might be the most effort anyone has ever put into being with her. Maybe that made her feel more wanted than she ever has before. Maybe, at some level, she saw you as a link to a brighter, more normal world. Maybe she had fantasies about something long-term with you where she could straighten herself out and become a better person.

        Since you seem to have very low self-esteem, you might think that would be pathetic and stupid of her, but the way she became fixated on you based on photos suggests that addiction is not her only issue.

        It's not your responsibility to help her sort her life out, but it's possible that the way you treated her after the encounter has left her feeling even more negative about herself. If you really want to feel guilty about something, feel shitty about treating another human being with such casual disdain.

        Finding a sexual partner has never been easy for people who are socially awkward, uncomfortable about sex, and lacking in self-confidence. Modern technology makes it a whole lot easier, but if you go into a search feeling certain you'll be constantly rejected, and that any sex you do eventually have will be crap, then guess what? That is exactly what will happen.

        Even in happy, long-term relationships where the people are totally comfortable with each other, sex isn't always like it is in the movies.

        You went to a lot of effort to meet up with a woman you dismiss as "some junkie". When you got together, you were feeling stressed, disgusted with her, and disgusted with yourself. I can't see how sex could be anything other than a failure in those circumstances.

        There are more than 3 billion women in the world. If you honestly believe that not a single one of them would want to be with you, then you are deluded. However, you're not going to open your door this morning and see a line of women who are eager to be with you.

        If you want a sexual relationship, you've got to keep positive and make the effort to meet people, and you've got to go into any sexual encounter with some degree of respect for yourself and the person you're with. If you really can't see a way to do that, then you should seek counselling.

        Alternatively, you are free to decide that sex with another person is too much like work and too likely to lead to disappointment, so you'll stick to fapping to porn. That's a sex life too.

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  • Nickvey
    6 years ago

    you dont have to marry people you fuck , so get over it.

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  • pantI-free-forever
    6 years ago

    Normal is "whatever you like best" but u shouldn't b ashamed of having a "sexual surrogate" "best friend" "helper" initiate u into the real world of sexual relations. Among anything else u hav lost, losing your virginity is the thing u will regret least!

    Now that u have "joined" the real world of sex, read up on Kara Crabb and how anal is best for many reasons, especially (1) a more thrilling situation if done appropriately --- like anything else it can b less than great to begin with BUTT fabulous if u learn 2 do it right --- and (2) as far as birth control goes. (As the saying goes, You will never be a mum if u take it up the bum. )And find yourself a gal (or whatever your preference is) who loves to do it!

    You might also enjoy being on the receiving "end" of anal sex (pegging) and your partner can teach you how 2b gentle & orgasmic ... more than u ever dreamed of!

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    • Boojum
      6 years ago

      Kara Crabb apparently believes all sorts of things, including that abortion should be made cool for teen girls and gargling with her own urine is a wonderful thing.

      Kara Crabb also mentions that she has hemorrhoids, although she seems to believe these are due to some woo-woo emotional blockage problems, rather than the fact that she likes to have things shoved up her exit.

      There's nothing wrong with women (or men) who find anal sex enjoyable, but it is wrong for any man to push a partner to try it.

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