It's great that you're trying to do those things, but keep in mind it isn't our actions that save us. Christianity is about a relationship with God.
Something that helped erase doubts in my mind is Ravi Zacharias's talk on YouTube called "Life's Toughest Questions." I would recommend anything by Ravi if you are struggling with doubt. Josh McDowell and Lee Strobel are also great Christian apologists (people who answer objections to Christianity).
Another person you might want to check out Andrew Farley's books and Youtube videos. He talks about how Christianity isn't about doing more and being more for God. It's about our desperate need for Him, and how He actually frees us from the Law. Yes, if we love Him we will obey Him, but the obedience must simply be a natural result of our love for Him to be genuine.
Don't shut out the Holy Spirit if He is working on you. And don't worry -if you genuinely want to know the Lord He will bring you to Himself in His own good time.
Is it normal that I can't make myself believe in God though I want to?
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It's great that you're trying to do those things, but keep in mind it isn't our actions that save us. Christianity is about a relationship with God.
Something that helped erase doubts in my mind is Ravi Zacharias's talk on YouTube called "Life's Toughest Questions." I would recommend anything by Ravi if you are struggling with doubt. Josh McDowell and Lee Strobel are also great Christian apologists (people who answer objections to Christianity).
Another person you might want to check out Andrew Farley's books and Youtube videos. He talks about how Christianity isn't about doing more and being more for God. It's about our desperate need for Him, and how He actually frees us from the Law. Yes, if we love Him we will obey Him, but the obedience must simply be a natural result of our love for Him to be genuine.
Don't shut out the Holy Spirit if He is working on you. And don't worry -if you genuinely want to know the Lord He will bring you to Himself in His own good time.