I'm going to offer a slightly different view on this. I don't think that God doesn't want you to question God. I think that as a human, it's normal to think about all the possibilities that there could be. In fact, I think that God would rather that you think about God for a while and figure out what God means to you rather that you just trying to force yourself to believe someone else's interpretation of God without pondering it.
As far as what God really is? What really happened? What is the real story? Well to be honest, I don't think any of us could recite the exact events word for word. But does it really matter? It's your belief that matters. It's the meaning that it holds for you that matters. It's your personal connection to God that matters. Do you think that other people can tell you what God thinks? I think that only God can tell you what God thinks. And that is up to you to form your own connection with God, and you can choose to believe which ever story you wish, but whether the story is "real" isn't what matters. It's what you interpret out of the story and how you choose to live your life and connect with God based on that. (:
God isn't in the past. God isn't about who's right and who's wrong about what happened before. God is in the now. God is in front of you. And that's all that you have to see.
Is it normal that I can't make myself believe in God though I want to?
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I'm going to offer a slightly different view on this. I don't think that God doesn't want you to question God. I think that as a human, it's normal to think about all the possibilities that there could be. In fact, I think that God would rather that you think about God for a while and figure out what God means to you rather that you just trying to force yourself to believe someone else's interpretation of God without pondering it.
As far as what God really is? What really happened? What is the real story? Well to be honest, I don't think any of us could recite the exact events word for word. But does it really matter? It's your belief that matters. It's the meaning that it holds for you that matters. It's your personal connection to God that matters. Do you think that other people can tell you what God thinks? I think that only God can tell you what God thinks. And that is up to you to form your own connection with God, and you can choose to believe which ever story you wish, but whether the story is "real" isn't what matters. It's what you interpret out of the story and how you choose to live your life and connect with God based on that. (:
God isn't in the past. God isn't about who's right and who's wrong about what happened before. God is in the now. God is in front of you. And that's all that you have to see.