Is it normal that i can't let go of my past no matter how hard i try?

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I don't even know where to begin. I've been so stupid. I've made so many terrible mistakes in my life, and even though everyone around me has forgiven me and moved on, I can't forgive myself. Every time I go and eat something like cake, all I can think is, "you don't deserve this, you dint deserve anything good" I don't like it when my parents are nice to me, I feel I don't deserve it. I feel I don't deserve anything good because of my past. I can't let it go. I just want to let the old nasty me go, and concentrate on being the nice new me I am trying to be today. I don't know what to do anymore, because it is constantly on my mind. If I have an exam, I feel like I shouldn't work for it, because I don't deserve good grades. I made an online account once, and I cyber bullied myself, because I hate myself that much. This self-hatred that I did online, is the reason I feel so guilty all the time. This is hell and it's weighing me down. I just want advice, I just need to know if I should forgive myself and move on, or if I deserve all this self punishment. I know it will be alright in the end, but for now I see no way out of it.

Is It Normal?
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  • joybird
    11 years ago | pl

    If everyone around you has forgiven you then it wasn't as bad to them as it is to you. In fact, parents have a terrific way of forgetting things. My son can't sleep if he argues with me, and I can't even remember that we did argue :o)

    You are still young and making an effort to change so please forgive yourself and be happy with the new you.

    I have a rotten mother who has complained about her life every day for the past 67 years - boring!! So guess what wrong was done on her...

    Yes, that's right - her dad died when she was 6yo. eh?

    Come on, get over it, look to the future and prove you're not the person you were any more.

    Good luck - you deserve it :o)

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    11 years ago | pl

    Made a fake account so I could cyber bully myself because I just really hate myself and no one else was being nasty and I felt I deserved the nasty comments I made to myself. (I know that's not normal) but I don't know if I deserve hating on myself for doing this or just to move on

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  • kellstar79
    11 years ago | pl

    What is it you did?

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  • Stiarl
    11 years ago | pl

    I have a similar problem... Sometimes it can be called Masochistic Personality Disorder, I believe that would be correct.

    I try to think... I wouldn't be here now if I didn't deserve it.

    You are brilliant, the first part of any problem, is taking note of the problem, and you're there. You're beautiful, no matter what anyone says, I promise, you're not weird, you're amazing, you deserve anything you want or aim for.

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  • zchristian
    11 years ago | pl

    Some memories tend to get burned into the brain...

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  • RoyalKnight
    11 years ago | pl

    It's normal to get down on yourself for doing something wrong but it's not healthy to let these feelings you have control your life. I would ask what you did wrong but it's none of my business. From reading the description it sounds like you are so guilty of what you did that you feel you don't deserve anything good and worthwhile.

    The fact that you are alive right now has to mean something. There is more meaning to your life then just breathing, eating and drinking to replenish your body. You are alive for a purpose and it's clear to me that you have a strong desire to strive for better things.

    If you can accept responsibility for what you did wrong, you owe it to yourself to love yourself enough to be happy. Don't let those negative feelings you have consume you.

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