Is it normal that i can't "forgive" my mother?

85% Normal
6 Comments

So, long story short my mother left my father, even though she will never admit it (She has never said she is wrong on anything) I know it's because she has another dude.

Now, I can barely stand the presence of her. She has always been great with me, but I for some reason can't forgive what she did. I know the person that should be mad is my dad and not me, I know that a son shouldn't take sides in a divorce, but still, I think I would be happy if I never spoke to her or heard of her ever again.

Is that normal?

Voting Results
85% Normal
Based on 13 votes (11 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • sissycakes
    6 years ago

    Forgive your mom. My mom is dead, and I did not see her for years before she died. You will be better off forgetting and forgiving her than regretting everything after she dies.

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  • Pakcmon
    6 years ago

    I feel the same way. My mom tries... kinda. Shes a middle class lady, not terrible but kind of selfish. Stuff i should be able to look past though. Shes with this guy, who ive been having dreams about recently for some reason he's douchey. Not a terrible guy, i get along with him but i get kind of irritated with him. It was only recently that i pieced together why i feel the way i do though. My first memory was before i could talk, i was at the top of the stairs at our first house when my parents were still together. I must have knocked the baby gate over and i started tumbling down the stairs in what seemed like slow motion. My memory is only of being upside down and seeing in the living room, then my mom running to the bottom of the stairs to get me. Thats where the memory cuts out. When i was upside down i saw my mom and who is now my step dad sitting on the couch together. Recently i pieced together that he shouldnt have been in the picture yet, but there he was on the couch. Turns out my mom was cheating on my dad while he was at work (probably all the time with this dude) and im guessing my mom stuck me upstairs while they did whatever. That must have had a weird phsychological effect on me because now i dont even like talking to my mother. Again, this was my first memory before i could even talk. It took me explaining it to my dad fairly recently for me to actually figure out what was going on. So, thats my experience of why i cant stand my own mother.

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  • BarakaBrat
    6 years ago

    Normal? Yes. Selfish? Very! Don't you care at all about your mom's happiness? If she's obviously not in love with your dad, she shouldn't be forced to spend the rest of her life with him and be miserable just so you can be happy. Hopefully one day you'll learn that life isn't all about you and you'll get over it and move on. She'll always be your mother, and you should be glad that she was a good one as you said in your question.

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    • Nickvey
      6 years ago

      My mother was addicted to my dads second hand tobacco smoke , she would climb the walls for a fix and she didnt know why. she went nuts and picked out one child to beat horrifically to calm her nerves as it released endorphin's during the torture. she trusted i would tell know one because i could not do it. some times i had to be stitched up and would make up stories how i hurt myself. i have scars some are 55 years old. if i can forgive that you can forgive anything. none of my brothers know anything and i have no plans on telling them after she passes in just a few years. i only pray she has repented for herself. writing about it helps me. and it helps me understand myself , my life , and why things are they way they are. i would say to you, make her your best friend and enjoy the good things she has to offer, then when you are an independent adult , make your dad the most important person in your life. you can have it all.

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  • MilitaryMedic
    6 years ago

    It’s normal for children of divorce to “blame” someone. Sometimes there is no one to blame or a logical explanation for a divorce, but logic says someone is wrong. It’s the way humans are wired.
    You state she is great with you. That’s because you are her son and she loves you. I hope you get over these feelings because she’ll always be your mom no matter what, and you only get one. You may consider taking a “break” from her and the surrounding drama (step back before “taking sides”). She certainly doesn’t have another dude to hurt you, but it is normal for you to be angry and hurt because of it. When you’re ready, you should talk about your feelings with her, and while you’re at it, find out how she feels. Adults have feelings too. Good luck.

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  • AntiArchon
    6 years ago

    would you hate your dad if he was the one who cheated on your mom? or are you gender bias?.. you say she's been a great mother to you so i don't get why your so ready to cut her off of your life.
    And don't get into black and white thinking.. maybe there are reasons she did what she did, like maybe your dad wasn't such a good husband and that's what pushed her.. or maybe not., either way she's only human..

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