Is it normal that i can't bring myself to admit my fetish

Ok so first things first for context I'm a single guy in my early 30s, and I think the following may be why...

In the heat of the moment, when I'm in bed with whoever it may be, I can't physically bring myself to admit my fetish, even if she asks about it.

I fear a negative reaction such as her bursting out in fits of humiliating laughter, or that she runs and tells all her friends about my secret fetish and then I end up being labelled the infamous creep in the community.

The thing is, I don't want to lose my fetish. I'd rather embrace it as it's an important aspect of who I am as a person. I just wish I didn't have this chronic apprehension over things that are completely beyond my control.

It's so frustrating and has affected my past relationships because I'm not fully able to sexually satisfy myself.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 24 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • What is the fetish firstly? And secondly, having a fetish does not make someone a "creep". That mindset needs to completely disappear. Anything that you can't control does not determine whether you're a creep.

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    • I'd say it makes you a degenerate.

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      • no, judging someone by something beyond their control makes someone a degenerate

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        • I'm on the judging someone for things beyond their control spectrum. Faggots, degenerates, serial killers, sociopaths, troons. The list just goes on and on (totally beyond my control of course).

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    • As previously stated in other replies, I don't want to mention my fetish because the fetish itself isn't the issue at play but rather my anxiety surrounding admitting it to women I develop feelings for, and I don't want to skew responses off topic.

      As for the "having a fetish doesn't make you a creep", I agree entirely, but there's no telling if someone else will feel like it does.

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  • I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so much fear. I would say that it might be helpful to tell a potential partner what "flavour" if you will, your fetish is and gauge their reaction sooner on in getting to know them rather than tell them exactly what the fetish is. The right person will not judge you. I've created a warm and accepting environment with all my past partners where they felt safe telling me their kinks and fetishes without the fear of being shamed, judged or outed. Good luck friend!

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  • Seek the services of a prostitute. They don't care what your fetishes are.

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    • That's exactly what I do to cope.

      The thing is, even if I had a partner I'd prefer to solicit the services of a prostitute and get her to fulfil my fetish than ask my girlfriend to do the same.

      It's like, the more in love I am with the woman I'm sleeping with, the more anxious I become about coming clean. What if I catch feelings for a woman, tell her my fetish, and she runs away and leaves me heartbroken because she thinks i'm so disgusting?

      With a prostitute, there's none of that anxiety because I can just look up her services and if my fetish appears I'm good to go. So that's what I do.

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  • Only thing I can think is to find a shy girl without many friends. Because shes gonna tell her friends.

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    • I'm completely aware that women tell eachother everything. It's absolutely terrifying!

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  • Depends what it is

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  • Well...what's your fetish?

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    • Let's just say it's not something a lot of people view as inherently sexual, but for me it's a really intimate experience.

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  • You’re a prisoner of your own hangups. You’re judging yourself more harshly than others would. If you can’t even disclose it here anonymously you won’t get past this. You should take the chance and whoever can’t accept you for who you are isn’t your friend anyway.

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    • It's definitely not too weird for isitnormal. Nothing is. It only really becomes a massive issue when dealing with people I genuinely care about, and there's no danger of me becoming romantically involved with an anonymous stranger on the internet.

      I just don't want the main focus of the responses I get to be on the fetish itself as that's not the issue but rather the potential reaction I'll get after I admit to having it, so I decided not to tell everyone here directly what it is.

      I'd be more than willing to share my fetish with anyone via inbox, so long as they promise not to skew future responses by mentioning it.

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  • Fetishes aren't actually normal. They're a product of porn and addiction.

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    • So if you have never watched porn then you can't have a fetish? I call bullshit

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    • False. My fetish started when I was young. Too young to understand sexual arousal, but still able to process my emotions.

      I can't deny that I do watch a shockingly large amount of porn to try and recreate that same buzz I got all those years ago, but I would give it all up tomorrow if I could get over my fears and tell someone I care about without humiliation or ridicule.

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