Is it normal that i am not able to do this to my kid?

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14 Comments

I'm in a relationship with a man who is far from being perfect. However, we have a wonderful kid, who adores him. We went through very hard times for both of us, though stayed together. Even now we are having difficulties of all kind. Within the time, we lost part of our respect and confidence in each other. That does not bother me so much. I don’t want to give up this relationship. It would ruin the childhood of the kid and messes her up forever. I’ve been given a chance to become a mother which is the meaning of my life. I’m fully aware that life cannot be perfect. I could look for a better relationship but that’s not the point. For the time being I can't be a traitor. I’d never say never, of course, but that's it.

Is It Normal?
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  • Inspector019
    12 years ago | pl

    Being in a loveless relationship for the sake of a child's happiness defeats the purpose.

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  • subliminal_mind_fnck
    12 years ago | pl

    Staying in a relationship that is toxic can screw her up a lot more than leaving can.
    I don't know much about your individual situation, so please excuse a few broad comments. It is directed to anyone with children.

    I'm a mom so I completely understand being toen between your SO/spouse regardless of how much you love them or not, and your child.

    Our children learn how to love and show their love by watching us with the ones we love. If we fuss and fight and god forbid hit each other in front of our kids, they will grow up thinking that in order to show love to someone they care about is to repeat what they have seen their own parents impliment.

    Think about it.

    If mommy stayed with daddy through cheating, lying, beatings, neglect, verbal abuse, etc then what is a daughter going to repeat when she really loves someone (or thinks she does)? Would you want her to stay with a man who has done those things?

    It's a statistic fathers/father figures teach and pass down the generational curse of spousal abuse to their sons. Would anyone want to raise a son who could do such a thing unless he was defending himself?

    Of course not. The solution is to make your relationship the kind of relationship you'll want for your kids, regardless of who it is with. Your happiness is important. Teach the little ones that theirs is too.

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  • Lynxikat
    12 years ago | pl

    The worst thing you can do is stay in failed relationship just for the sake of your kid. It can really mess 'em up.

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  • TyLee
    12 years ago | pl

    Staying in the relationship is much worse for the kid in the long run. You would be saving your child if you left this man.

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  • bigtoy
    12 years ago | pl

    You guys have to sit down and sort things out for the sake of your kid. Why not go to counselling? Someone once told me that life is a prison - make the best of the cell you're in. It's very true. If you two split you'll be in a different cell (single mom etc) which may not be a better cell than if you were to sort out what you already have. You have a responsability to create a loving and secure home for your child and you are both adults albeit going through a crisis in your marriage as many do, but it's nothing you can sort out.
    Good luck
    m

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  • MahBoi24
    12 years ago | pl

    That's sad that you can't find any other meaning of your life besides being a parents. That is really sad.

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    • bigtoy
      12 years ago | pl

      Being a parent is the most important thing in life if you love your kids and want the best for the futire of mankind (IMHO). The world would be a much better place if all children were brought up with values and respect. Don't hate me it's just my point of view ok?

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      • MahBoi24
        12 years ago | pl

        Sorry but I hate all people who choose to populate this already overly-populated planet. And I hate even more those who think that the only thing that can make someone happy and whole as a person is to breed. It's a sad life, and I have no problems hating you, just like it's perfectly ok that you hate me for choosing to do better for myself than settle for mediocrity.

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        • bigtoy
          12 years ago | pl

          Who said I hate you? You have every right to your opinion! You don't want kids - that's fine, but respect the choice of others to have them. Don't hate.

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