It's perfectly normal to be ashamed and secretive about your sexuality. I remember when I was younger pretending to be homophobic so that nobody would think I was gay. But there comes a time when you realize it's okay to come out and you find yourself not being ashamed anymore. Best of luck. You'll know when the time comes. It's so much better being out of the closet.
Is it normal that i am gay but deny it to others?
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It's perfectly normal to be ashamed and secretive about your sexuality. I remember when I was younger pretending to be homophobic so that nobody would think I was gay. But there comes a time when you realize it's okay to come out and you find yourself not being ashamed anymore. Best of luck. You'll know when the time comes. It's so much better being out of the closet.