Is it normal that i am gay and in love with my straight best friend?

Biggest mistake: getting a girlfriend when you think you are gay.
I really don't feel that much sympathy for you. Why the fuck would you get a girlfriend if you thought you were gay? You're just gonna hurt her. If you're gay, you're gay. Don't go off with some chick just because it looks normal. If you're not sure, STAY SINGLE!!!!!

Being a gay man myself, I can somewhat relate to your situation. I have a straight best friend who I had a hard time opening up to but the difference between me and you is that I was never in love or sexually attracted to him.

Honestly speaking, it is best that you and your friend have a one-on-one private discussion with one another. It is unhealthy for you to go on having these feelings and not knowing whether or not someone shares them with you. The longer you prolong confronting your fears the more damage it might do to your friendship.

To be honest, it might've a bad idea to " pretend " to be gay with your friend. What if he wasn't gay all along? It's very likely that if he's straight and when you tell him you're gay that he might say things along the lines of, " The whole time we joked around about being gay...you we're turned on by it?! ". Your friend will very likely feel great discomfort in the fact that you lead him to believe it was a harmless joke when in fact it was sexual and an attempt to reinforce his possible feelings for you.

I can see that you've made a lot of effort to be really close to this friend, which is a very generous thing to do. The problem though is that trying to bond with someone too much can actually push that person away. They might feel that you're an annoyance to them which probably might explain his lack of interest in you at times and him not returning the favor. Sometimes people need room to breathe and/or want their own space.

If your friend is indeed gay I'm pretty sure he'll feel relief and will understand with your struggle. That doesn't mean he shares the same feelings you have for him though. If he tells you he's straight when you open up to him I have a good feeling he probably won't respond to it well, not because he might possibly have something against gays but because of your somewhat affectionate actions towards him. He might be disturbed by that and won't know what to think. The best thing to do is to explain the whole thing to him, talk about your struggles and tell him that you never meant to make him feel uncomfortable.

You have to be straight-forward with him.

Being gays my thing Chicago. If you like it, just say it you've been joking with him. Just tell him. Ps. I'm gay too I told mah bro. Now everyday where in my bed at night spooning hardcore

I can't really help with the situation but you have a girlfriend? Don't you think she deserves to be with someone who is straight, in both meanings?

She could get really hurt by all this as well.

(Last one haha)
There really has never been any true gay interaction between us but the constant joking around is something I feel could hint that he’s def gay. Also, since we talk so much I think I have kind of made it obvious (by the way I talk and by being overly nice) that I care for him more than just as friends, and we have only gotten closer so that can only be a good sign. Sorry for making this so long idk I just have a lot to vent about! It sucks ass not knowing this about him though.
BUT the other thing that may throw him off is I have a gf and he knows we have sex and we’ve been together for 2 years...so what if he’s gay and is afraid to tell me cuz he thinks I’m straight!!?!? Ahhh wtf should I do…I know if I told him I was gay he wouldn’t tell anyone cuz he is a really good friend.
It’s gotten to the point where I cry everyday and he’s always on my mind I miss him every second we’re not together…I can’t help it and I don’t know what to do cuz if I say something to him I feel like it will ruin our friendship completely if he’s not gay. And I would much rather be best friends with him and upset about not telling him my feelings rather than not talking to him at all cuz he things I’m creepy and gay...should I risk losing him as a friend to get this off of my chest and possibly see if he loves me back!? HELP PLEASEEEE :(

(Continued...)
The biggest thing that makes me think he isn’t gay though is the fact that he doesn’t care. I do sooooo many fucking nice things for him honestly I do everything I can I try so hard and I’m the best friend ever....and he appreciates it sometimes and he is usually super nice and caring but not nearly as much as I am. I buy him nice things, pay for his dinner when we go out, surprise him with little nice gifts, I give him food all the time at lunch when he’s hungry, I help him with homework and let him copy stuff all the time, and I give him little sweets and cookies all the time haha. I say the nicest sweetest things to him and am so fucking supportive. I go to every concert he has and every game he has in sports and I just love doing all these things cuz I want to support him and be the best friend I can. But he kind of does not return the favor...he cares about me I know and he will be nice but he never goes out of his way to do something for me. He doesn’t say thank you all the time and also kind of seems annoyed that I do so many nice things for him...It really fucking pisses me off cuz I’m just being a great friend and he takes advantage of it and doesn’t care as much back, and it kills me inside. Also, he sometimes will respond to texts and be all talkative, but other times won’t even respond at all and it really makes me upset.

I have never revealed my feelings for him....we said we love each other as friends a few times but idk if its anything more from him...I’m totally in love with him and it sucks cuz I just wish I could tell if he feels the same. He doesn’t act that gay most of the time but he seems like he definitely could be. Also we were sleeping in the same bed once, and I woke up before he did to find that we were touching/spooning and our legs were intertwined. I was super hard (must have been dreaming ;)) and just laid there awake pushing my boner up against his ass. I also touched his ass for awhile and tried to grab his dick but was too afraid he would wake up. But I spooned him and had my arms around him feeling his stomach and chest ahhhh it was amazing I just laid there rubbing his back and it made me so happy . He seemed to be asleep the whole time but I kind of have a feeling he was awake...because I was touching him a lottttt and it was almost enough to wake someone up I would think…and also once I turned away (cuz I thought he woke up) he turned around (still *asleep*) and he was then laying behind me almost spooning. Also whenever we are together sitting next to each other or laying down we kind of end up touching somehow, even if it’s just legs touching a little or our arms are like brushing up against each other. All I know is I love it haha.