You should confront him on this- but only very gently. Simply tell him you found out he has certain problems and that you haven't been sure how to confront him. Leave it completely up to him to talk about them. If he's not comfortable -this is important- don't push, don't ask again, leave it alone. His sister shouldn't have said any of this. She should have left it as 'He has a bad past, he may act weird, you're not in physical danger." He will be mad at her, he may even feel defensive toward you. It's totally normal- let him get it out of his system and he'll be able to talk with you afterwards. Let him know at that point that you're there to listen if he needs it, that you don't judge him -because he will feel judged-, and you won't bother him if that's what he needs. The upmost important thing is that you don't judge him. That is -exactly- why he won't talk right now. Every piece of information he's given you comes attached with a piece of trust. Trust is a very big deal for someone with such trauma.
Another thing- your problems are still your problems. They don't simply go away because his are worse. You should continue feeling comfort in confiding in him. It's these pieces of normalcy that he looks forward to with you. Feel free to bitch about the lady who cut you in line- you have every right. Just keep being yourself. Nothing is different here, you simply learned something about him that makes him the compassionate person he is. That is something you can remind him of when he gets scared of things being different.
Is it normal that I am confused about my boyfriend's traumatic past?
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You should confront him on this- but only very gently. Simply tell him you found out he has certain problems and that you haven't been sure how to confront him. Leave it completely up to him to talk about them. If he's not comfortable -this is important- don't push, don't ask again, leave it alone. His sister shouldn't have said any of this. She should have left it as 'He has a bad past, he may act weird, you're not in physical danger." He will be mad at her, he may even feel defensive toward you. It's totally normal- let him get it out of his system and he'll be able to talk with you afterwards. Let him know at that point that you're there to listen if he needs it, that you don't judge him -because he will feel judged-, and you won't bother him if that's what he needs. The upmost important thing is that you don't judge him. That is -exactly- why he won't talk right now. Every piece of information he's given you comes attached with a piece of trust. Trust is a very big deal for someone with such trauma.
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iEatZombies_
10 years ago
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Another thing- your problems are still your problems. They don't simply go away because his are worse. You should continue feeling comfort in confiding in him. It's these pieces of normalcy that he looks forward to with you. Feel free to bitch about the lady who cut you in line- you have every right. Just keep being yourself. Nothing is different here, you simply learned something about him that makes him the compassionate person he is. That is something you can remind him of when he gets scared of things being different.