Is it normal that I am afraid I won't go to heaven

A person's faith and relationship with God is deeper than superficial feelings. Just because you don't feel close to God or maybe don't feel anything when you try to pray doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your faith or the way you live. If you endure in your faith and continue to pray despite not 'feeling' anything, and if you sincerely seek to do God's will by following your conscience (and truly repent and trust in his infinite mercy when you don't), then you're on the right track. Just think of human relationships such as marriage. At the beginning there is a lot of exciting romantic feelings, etc. but over time things settle down and something deeper and richer comes about that's based on a stable and mature loving commitment. The quieter, later stage is actually the 'normal' part. So if you keep on quietly and simply believing and praying even though you don't necessarily have a lot of 'spiritual feelings', then that's much, much more normal than experiencing intense and possibly destabilizing religious feelings.