See I want to say something nice and tell you that you should just let the relationship go to find someone who will accept you for who you are, but all that stuff is just bullshit people say to sugarcoat the truth. The truth is you can break up with him if you want or dont feel as if the relationship is going somewhere, BUT if you get into another relationship and behave the same way i.e. the quietness, awkward conversation skills the new people you get introduced to, new friends, family, etc...will have the same reaction as this boyfriend's family and friends. Sorry to say it, but that is the truth. People who are social dont understand and ultimately dont accept those other people, especially adults who dont say ANYTHING in social surroundings. No one is saying you have to be the life of the party, but if you dont say ANYTHING people think there is something wrong with you and give you a wide berth. I mean this as constructively as possible but it seems like you kinda behave like a child does. I only speak from experience in this because I dated someone who rarely talked herself and it was not a fun time in social situations as her "social awkwardness" made it embarrassing for me as well.
I am not saying this relationship is something you need to continue in, what I am saying is that if you want a relationship in general to be satisfying then you need to work on the awkward shyness and being quiet.
I totally get what you're saying and I agree with you. My main issue is just the way he reacts to this. I don't think he needs to just accept me for who I am if that isn't the kind of person who makes him happy. But I also don't think he should make it sound like I'm just horrible and demand that I change myself as quickly as possible. He makes it sound like it should be so easy, but it's just not.
I do agree with you though, I need to learn to change if I ever want to be in a comfortable relationship with someone.
Glad you didnt take it personal, I meant it as advice and not as criticism. I agree that he shouldnt make it sound horrible and demand that you change, BUT if its something that has been ongoing, say 6-8 months or a year, he may be getting sick of it. Trust me only from my experience that someone who is like this in social situations makes it frustrating for others, esp significant others, because the behavior of that person reflects on the significant other, AND again from my experience it gets very old very quickly to have to "hold the hand" of the person you are dating regarding introductions and interactions in social situations as well.
You seem as if you would have plenty to say just from your typing and wording here, try to translate that to social situations. Its nowhere near as hard as you think it would be, AND the more situations you engage in the easier it gets to be.
I also just read another of your comments from above regarding unemployment and house cleaning and I have to say that reminds me of myself as well. I also dated yet another person whom I ended up living with for almost 4 years, and she didnt think housework or cleaning was very important as well, and while it is earth shakingly important, it does need to get done on a regular basis WITHOUT waiting until the last minute. So I can kinda understand his frustration regarding that somewhat. It seems to me his overall problem is that he wants you to be more proactive in general. More proactive regarding a career, more proactive with chores, and more proactive with your people skills.
Try it out, its really not that hard at all. And once you see that it isnt hard you will be so relieved and feel so silly that you were so intimidated by it as well.
Is it normal that he's embarrassed of me?
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See I want to say something nice and tell you that you should just let the relationship go to find someone who will accept you for who you are, but all that stuff is just bullshit people say to sugarcoat the truth. The truth is you can break up with him if you want or dont feel as if the relationship is going somewhere, BUT if you get into another relationship and behave the same way i.e. the quietness, awkward conversation skills the new people you get introduced to, new friends, family, etc...will have the same reaction as this boyfriend's family and friends. Sorry to say it, but that is the truth. People who are social dont understand and ultimately dont accept those other people, especially adults who dont say ANYTHING in social surroundings. No one is saying you have to be the life of the party, but if you dont say ANYTHING people think there is something wrong with you and give you a wide berth. I mean this as constructively as possible but it seems like you kinda behave like a child does. I only speak from experience in this because I dated someone who rarely talked herself and it was not a fun time in social situations as her "social awkwardness" made it embarrassing for me as well.
I am not saying this relationship is something you need to continue in, what I am saying is that if you want a relationship in general to be satisfying then you need to work on the awkward shyness and being quiet.
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I totally get what you're saying and I agree with you. My main issue is just the way he reacts to this. I don't think he needs to just accept me for who I am if that isn't the kind of person who makes him happy. But I also don't think he should make it sound like I'm just horrible and demand that I change myself as quickly as possible. He makes it sound like it should be so easy, but it's just not.
I do agree with you though, I need to learn to change if I ever want to be in a comfortable relationship with someone.
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Glad you didnt take it personal, I meant it as advice and not as criticism. I agree that he shouldnt make it sound horrible and demand that you change, BUT if its something that has been ongoing, say 6-8 months or a year, he may be getting sick of it. Trust me only from my experience that someone who is like this in social situations makes it frustrating for others, esp significant others, because the behavior of that person reflects on the significant other, AND again from my experience it gets very old very quickly to have to "hold the hand" of the person you are dating regarding introductions and interactions in social situations as well.
You seem as if you would have plenty to say just from your typing and wording here, try to translate that to social situations. Its nowhere near as hard as you think it would be, AND the more situations you engage in the easier it gets to be.
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11 years ago
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I also just read another of your comments from above regarding unemployment and house cleaning and I have to say that reminds me of myself as well. I also dated yet another person whom I ended up living with for almost 4 years, and she didnt think housework or cleaning was very important as well, and while it is earth shakingly important, it does need to get done on a regular basis WITHOUT waiting until the last minute. So I can kinda understand his frustration regarding that somewhat. It seems to me his overall problem is that he wants you to be more proactive in general. More proactive regarding a career, more proactive with chores, and more proactive with your people skills.
Try it out, its really not that hard at all. And once you see that it isnt hard you will be so relieved and feel so silly that you were so intimidated by it as well.
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*it ISNT earth shakingly important I meant.