I can kinda relate... I used to love Christmas as a kid. My mom and dad would visit my grandparents and my other grandparents would also come and we'd celebrate the holidays together, the whole family. The food, the big Christmas tree, the presents, watching Home alone, my grandpa telling jokes and stories... it was great.
But time went on, my grandparents died out, I moved out, went abroad, my parents got older, the magic of Christmas disappeared, I became more cynical, full with self doubt, remorse and self hate. Christmas is a yearly reminder that tells me I got one year less to spend with my parents, all the mistakes I've made, all the "what it could have been"s...
Nowadays I try my best to be home for Christmas with my parents. My mom goes to bed early, cause she can't stay up late. I usually watch a movie with my dad, he gets tired too and goes to bed and I'm left alone with a glass of whiskey in my hand and half a bottle of whiskey on the table staring back at me.
My girlfriend is usually the one to stop me from overdoing it with the whiskey and takes my mind off things, by talking, fantasizing, or watching something else.
But this year I feel will be exceptionally depressing. With corona restrictions and the risk, I won't be going home for Christmas.
I'll still have my girlfriend by my side, but I feel I won't crack a single (genuine) smile this Christmas.
Is it normal that happy things repulse me?
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I can kinda relate... I used to love Christmas as a kid. My mom and dad would visit my grandparents and my other grandparents would also come and we'd celebrate the holidays together, the whole family. The food, the big Christmas tree, the presents, watching Home alone, my grandpa telling jokes and stories... it was great.
But time went on, my grandparents died out, I moved out, went abroad, my parents got older, the magic of Christmas disappeared, I became more cynical, full with self doubt, remorse and self hate. Christmas is a yearly reminder that tells me I got one year less to spend with my parents, all the mistakes I've made, all the "what it could have been"s...
Nowadays I try my best to be home for Christmas with my parents. My mom goes to bed early, cause she can't stay up late. I usually watch a movie with my dad, he gets tired too and goes to bed and I'm left alone with a glass of whiskey in my hand and half a bottle of whiskey on the table staring back at me.
My girlfriend is usually the one to stop me from overdoing it with the whiskey and takes my mind off things, by talking, fantasizing, or watching something else.
But this year I feel will be exceptionally depressing. With corona restrictions and the risk, I won't be going home for Christmas.
I'll still have my girlfriend by my side, but I feel I won't crack a single (genuine) smile this Christmas.