Is it normal that drawing erotica is better than sex for me?
I wondered if I had an issue, if it came from my own anxieties towards people (I've had relationships before, but I've always found them stressful and cut them off early). But this feels normal to me to the point where I'm almost open about it. Almost. I like sex, but I prefer this over sex.
The story behind all this:
I have many small fetishes and kinks: spanking, bdsm, feet, etc. But the one that is the worst is the one that's very... strange. It's drawing.
I have been in sexual relationships before and capable of being in more. But I don't feel motivated to do so if no other reason than the fear of having to maintain a relationship would cut into my drawing time and they may not like what topics I choose to draw.
With real sex, I usually have high criteria. I tend to prefer more play than boring screwing and lots of orgasm denial. I favor mental stimulation over physical. Usually this requires a sort of connection that is hard to find, yet I'm not upset that I can't find this. I really don't care for standard relationships; romance and marriage aren't my goals in life. I like my freedom, privacy, and flexibility.
Maybe this mindset bought this along or a form of escapism? I've been drawing for years, for fun and a little for work. I don't draw myself getting kinky; I draw males and females getting involved in all sorts of situations, or just in pinup style. I find fulfillment drawing them in intimate clothing and sultry poses. I've often become wildly aroused while working on pinup art and spent a little too long while, say, drawing breasts. I work in traditional and digital media, and I can't really say which one feels more intimate. One would think traditional, but it really comes down to what I'm drawing.
When I share the pictures online behind a penname, I get even more turned on when people say the art is sexy, especially if it's another woman. It's also more arousing when people assume this or that about me based on my art alone.
This is only with illustrative erotica, figures that come out of my mind; I can draw live nudes and be completely clinical / academic about it, even if I find the model attractive.
(I had posted this before, but I had the format wrong)