I don't know exactly what went down with you. I'm also not to offend you or anything. But maybe you are either being too pushy, or pushing them away? I have a friend, who i'll admit can be really annoying sometimes. he use to wanna talk 24/7 and if i hung out with someone else, or didnt answer his message right away, he would get all like "why dont you wanna be my friend? no one ever wants to be my friend. you dont have to lie and say you like me." i think it ruined a lot of friendships for him. i know it sucks, but if you start to do that, just try not too. it makes people feel awkward.
I hate to admit this but I was probably guilty of that when I was much younger because I came from a dysfunctional family and was very sheltered. I cannot stress enough how much therapy and twelve step work for codependency can help help with these sorts of problems. I feel that within the last few years I've changed myself for the better and hope I can continue to do so.
I used to feel obligated to help people who were overly demanding and pushy because I was behaving in a codependent manner myself. Now when I get around people like that I just feel very drained, tired and resentful so I choose to just detach from them for the sake of my own sanity and serenity. Sure a lot of calls and texts go unanswered but that's what I need to do to care for and protect myself. If a needy, selfish and demanding person feels hurt by my actions that's just too bad. I believe that God gives all of us free will so those sorts of people are free to seek out help from qualified therapists and the like so they can improve themselves if they so choose. If they choose to do nothing then thats on them and not my problem.
Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it however, I don't feel I'm like that at all. In fact I keep most things to myself instead of bothering the other person about it. There have been times, il admit, that il imply things but I never say what I really feel. Sometimes I do want to say "hey you don't have to pretend you care you know" or "Why do you say things you don't mean?" I am real disappointed that I don't get to get these things off my chest but I feel that if I did say things like this it would make me seem clingy or too attached. What's you opinion on this?
It's good to say those things! As long as it's not nonstop. I use to do that, too. I never, ever told anyone how I felt, but it's really unhealthy, because it just builds up inside of you. You should really tell someone. It'll make you feel better, and they might just assure you that they actually do care about you.
Oh true, yeah I am the same. I agree that it's unhealthy to hold everything in so I will try to express myself for once and for all. After that, I hope that I still don't have issues arise. Thanks for your comment :)
I must ask this though, apart from 'fear of intimacy' are there any other subconscious feelings that could be due to this cause? I mean why do u assume it's fear of intimacy? Also one more thing, I have made a recent post and you were communicating with me, then u randomly stopped replying :( Why?
I said fear of intimacy because by going after those who are unavailable you will not have to be emotionally intimate and thus vulnerable to getting hurt.
I don't remember the other post. I guess I just said all I had to say.
IIN that all the people that I would like to have in my life...
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Always wanting what you can't have and never wanting what you can rings of a fear of intimacy.
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How can that be a fear of intimacy? It is simply because they just don't want me in their life when I want them in mine.
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RoseIsabella
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I don't know exactly what went down with you. I'm also not to offend you or anything. But maybe you are either being too pushy, or pushing them away? I have a friend, who i'll admit can be really annoying sometimes. he use to wanna talk 24/7 and if i hung out with someone else, or didnt answer his message right away, he would get all like "why dont you wanna be my friend? no one ever wants to be my friend. you dont have to lie and say you like me." i think it ruined a lot of friendships for him. i know it sucks, but if you start to do that, just try not too. it makes people feel awkward.
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I hate to admit this but I was probably guilty of that when I was much younger because I came from a dysfunctional family and was very sheltered. I cannot stress enough how much therapy and twelve step work for codependency can help help with these sorts of problems. I feel that within the last few years I've changed myself for the better and hope I can continue to do so.
I used to feel obligated to help people who were overly demanding and pushy because I was behaving in a codependent manner myself. Now when I get around people like that I just feel very drained, tired and resentful so I choose to just detach from them for the sake of my own sanity and serenity. Sure a lot of calls and texts go unanswered but that's what I need to do to care for and protect myself. If a needy, selfish and demanding person feels hurt by my actions that's just too bad. I believe that God gives all of us free will so those sorts of people are free to seek out help from qualified therapists and the like so they can improve themselves if they so choose. If they choose to do nothing then thats on them and not my problem.
Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it however, I don't feel I'm like that at all. In fact I keep most things to myself instead of bothering the other person about it. There have been times, il admit, that il imply things but I never say what I really feel. Sometimes I do want to say "hey you don't have to pretend you care you know" or "Why do you say things you don't mean?" I am real disappointed that I don't get to get these things off my chest but I feel that if I did say things like this it would make me seem clingy or too attached. What's you opinion on this?
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It's good to say those things! As long as it's not nonstop. I use to do that, too. I never, ever told anyone how I felt, but it's really unhealthy, because it just builds up inside of you. You should really tell someone. It'll make you feel better, and they might just assure you that they actually do care about you.
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Oh true, yeah I am the same. I agree that it's unhealthy to hold everything in so I will try to express myself for once and for all. After that, I hope that I still don't have issues arise. Thanks for your comment :)
BINGO!!!
It's possible you could be subconsciously attracted to those who are unavailable.
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I must ask this though, apart from 'fear of intimacy' are there any other subconscious feelings that could be due to this cause? I mean why do u assume it's fear of intimacy? Also one more thing, I have made a recent post and you were communicating with me, then u randomly stopped replying :( Why?
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RoseIsabella
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I said fear of intimacy because by going after those who are unavailable you will not have to be emotionally intimate and thus vulnerable to getting hurt.
I don't remember the other post. I guess I just said all I had to say.
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Oh I see now, thanks for your comment :)
really...hmm
Does a bit.
Hmm sorry Isabella but I don't think I have a fear of intimacy at all yet also want to get girls I can't have.
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RoseIsabella
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Well, wanting what you can't have will lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy of not getting anything. This, of course, is just my humble opinion.