Is it normal that ..i feel its impossible for someone to love me back?

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8 Comments

I fell in love a few times..at least I thought it was love.
But not one of them loved me back.. not one.
They always ended things with me and went with one of my best friends..I forgave her every time that happened ( with 4 different guys)..so I didn't lose hope and i went for it cause we all know Love is the greatest thing...
& also before that, a guy just went out with me for money(it was a bet). Another one just left me because i didn't want to have sex ( witch proves he didn't really care).Now this other guy I dated, I caught him WITH one of my good friends.
Then I fell for my best friend and broke my heart like no one else ever did.
So now this guy pretended to love me for a while and one day decided to call me and tell me I'm a bitch and he never loved me and that we never had anything between us..next day he has a girlfriend.
Great huh? Now i still didn't give up on love,and met this one.
And he literally fucked up my life,in the worst possible ways.
He says he loves me,then he doesn't..He's sorry and then he's not..It lasted a year and a half.. and he was just there the whole time pretending he loves me just to get sex out of it.And he didn't get it .. so he recently just gave up and left and tells me he never had feelings for me.
...So I tried killing myself a few times and I honestly wish I was dead right now.
Many other guys hurt me and especially friends always betraying me .. I also had a blood disease that didn't make anything easier.. I started to fail at school (I used to be a nerd lol) and now..I'm a pothead!
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So when i told myself that it will get better.. i met this other guy, ( the last one ) .. this summer. I was not attracted to him at all.. he wasn't even my type and i knew i wouldn't have feelings for him.. But I was never treated like that before..he was so sweet and romantic and he was paying so much attention to me (NEVER happened before)..I was just so HAPPY..
I was thanking God every night that i met him .. i told myself all those painful years were worth it..
I was doing better at everything.. I was happy.
Until he really made me fall for him and I ended up sleeping with him. I was so scared that when ill wake up in the morning he would act totally different and wont ever talk to me again.
But when i woke up he gave me a kiss on the forehead, and prepared breakfast for us . I was so relieved and again, HAPPY like I've never EVER been before.
Now, he knew how painful my past was and he KNEW how important it was for me to NOT have sex.He told me how he would never hurt me , how he wants me to be his girl and by his side forever..
But a week later he stopped talking to me. he hung up every single time i called him. A few days later... I found out he's a pimp. ( literally..a PIMP)

Now how the FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL ABOUT MYSELF?
I just feel cursed. With all those sleepless nights that lasted 6 fucking years, can anyone tell me if this is normal..

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 8 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • anya07
    13 years ago | pl

    Listen.You are not cursed but you need to get ot out of your life.Those things that happened to you in this recent years made you think about it too much.You know when we think about something too much then it happens.Forget it.Give yourself time.Focus on career,gain self confidense,respect and love yourself.There are a lot of bad people in the worls but they are not only men.The right one will come to your way one day.Trust me and go on and please not idea about suicide

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  • aGuy12345
    12 years ago | pl

    i think its normal some others dont get it... i wish u luck in that department

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  • animalcracker
    13 years ago | pl

    I can never get the girl that i like to like me, i try my hardest i flirt with them, im nice to them, i help them out but no.. it never happens.

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  • aussiewolf
    13 years ago | pl

    well maybe your "type" is not the right kind of guy for you and that could be why you keep going out with those kinds of guys. i am curious to know how old you are and where you meet these guys from?

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    • melkush
      13 years ago | pl

      I'm 19 .. I know it's young but like I said, I don't know if it was love, but I did feel something strong and it did hurt LIKE HELL for all those years so its a good thing im still young but the problem is I feel its impossible for someone to love me back cause no one ever did and it's all I think about .. how no one ever loved me or cared about me.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago | pl

    When* not will sorry. 4th line, first word. :)

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago | pl

    I'm not sure if this is normal, as I feel almost the same exact way. Just with different reasons. Maybe we need to go to theopy, or something. You are not cursed, you just haven't found the one for you. We all have the one for us, and will the time comes, you will meet him/her and you will be happier then you have ever been. (Well this is from where I stand, and my point of view). Find yourself, don't worry what anyone else thinks. Once you find something you love doing, and don't care or try to get someone, you might find your true love. Hopefully this is helpful.

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    • melkush
      13 years ago | pl

      Thank you :) .. yes I think I'm just surrounded with the wrong type of people .. witch is why I'm planning on moving soon! I'll hopefully find someone one day.. and I hope u do too :)

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