It isn't about his disability, it's about you being horny for him. You're seeing the disability more than you're seeing the person, which I would've thought you would've learned not to do in your training.
Have a think about what you'd say or do if he didn't have the disability: as a virgin he's probably been waiting for 2 and a half years for you to make the first move. Come on, it sounds as if you have a good thing going there, don't blow it out of fear!
By the way, if you want to watch some good raves by a woman with a disability (who unfortunately died a bit over a year ago) see if you can find Stella Young on youtube: she's very tough against being patronised
Yeah I agree, my question does come off as a little patronising.
But I never talk to him or see him like that, or I wouldn't be in love with him like I'am now, I treat him like any other person.
I just want to be careful mostly because he's a virgin and I've had no experience with any one with a disability.
I was just curious if there's any information out there I need to know.
I'm sorry if anyone feels offended by my question I just wanted to know the right way to approach this.
But I'm seeing now I can just go about it casualy.
Ha of course I've made moves on him he's adorable, but its never gone further to sex. I see now that I just need to talk to him about it, instead of worrying about it.
Yeah and I've heard of Stella Young my boyfriend told me about her. She's awesome.
Me and my boyfriend can relate to this quote of hers: "Just because we are hanging out with a non-disabled person doesn't mean they are a carer. Disabled people have friends, partners, kids, parents, siblings and families just like everyone else."
Just found the movie, it's called Scarlet Road, so I was nearly right! Definitely worth a look for both of you, especially the part where the wonderful mum arranges sex for her son, very moving and beautiful
I didn't think you were being patronising, just over cautious and I don't know why your question would offend anyone.
Stella worked as a comedian as well as a disability activist: one story she told was of a stranger asking her on a tram if she had a vagina! I'd recommend taking a look on youtube.
There's also an Australian movie about a sex worker who works with people with disabilities: I thought it was called Red Road, but can't find it on youtube right now. That would be worth a look, just for the attitudes and although it's about people with disabilities who've been wanting to have sex it would be a good one for you to watch together.
I did a Disability Care course a few years back but never ended up working in that field after a heart attack: sexuality and people with disabilities was covered in the course and apparently workers in some residential units arrange it for clients who want it. However, only for MALE clients as far as I could work out and maybe not for gay ones either, so your boyfriend is lucky to have you!
Good luck and would love to hear how it works out: not the details, just the successful outcome I'm sure you'll be able to achieve
When we watched the film my boyfriend found it kind of sad, and wished the people with the disabilities in it, had partners to receive 'real' love.
But it got us talking for a while about taboo topics on disabilities.
That's when I asked him more about his disability, and turns out after his accident he still has some feeling 'down there'. However he can't get an erection from visual stimulus (seeing/imagining something that would turn him on), only from touch.
Then I waited the next night to ask him, when he was feeling much more happier, if he wanted to have sex. He said yes, but he seemed really nervous and unsure of himself. But I helped him relax(took a while) then the deed was done!
Oh Wow, that is just lovely! Bet it'll get easier and even more fun .... good on you for taking the initiative and I'm so glad my suggestion about the movie helped.
I had a shit day yesterday and today doesn't look like being much better, but your post has lifted my spirits - thanks so much for the update and I wish you both long and love & lust filled lives!
Wow that's crazy yeah I'll check her out again, I do enjoy her comedy.
If people put themselves in other peoples shoes, I think the stares and stupid questions that disabled people get asked, would be less of a problem.
Okay why not, that sounds like an interesting watch.
Sorry to hear about your heart attack.
That's good they're given the opportunity and that it also organised for them too.
Ha I can say I'm lucky to have him.
My mum has study a disability care course too along with teaching (science education). But I found it awkward talking to my mum about sex, she's Christian so she belevies those things should be done and talked about privitely (to your partner). But she loves my boyfriend, and I'm glad and wouldn't want anymore from her.
Thank you.
Yeah sure I'll post and let everyone know how it went. Hopefully it goes well.
IIN not to know how to have intercourse with a disabled person?
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Yeah just gotta figure out a way to make the questions sound more 'normal'.
Since he doesn't like talking about his disability.
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Ellenna
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It isn't about his disability, it's about you being horny for him. You're seeing the disability more than you're seeing the person, which I would've thought you would've learned not to do in your training.
Have a think about what you'd say or do if he didn't have the disability: as a virgin he's probably been waiting for 2 and a half years for you to make the first move. Come on, it sounds as if you have a good thing going there, don't blow it out of fear!
By the way, if you want to watch some good raves by a woman with a disability (who unfortunately died a bit over a year ago) see if you can find Stella Young on youtube: she's very tough against being patronised
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Yeah I agree, my question does come off as a little patronising.
But I never talk to him or see him like that, or I wouldn't be in love with him like I'am now, I treat him like any other person.
I just want to be careful mostly because he's a virgin and I've had no experience with any one with a disability.
I was just curious if there's any information out there I need to know.
I'm sorry if anyone feels offended by my question I just wanted to know the right way to approach this.
But I'm seeing now I can just go about it casualy.
Ha of course I've made moves on him he's adorable, but its never gone further to sex. I see now that I just need to talk to him about it, instead of worrying about it.
Yeah and I've heard of Stella Young my boyfriend told me about her. She's awesome.
Me and my boyfriend can relate to this quote of hers: "Just because we are hanging out with a non-disabled person doesn't mean they are a carer. Disabled people have friends, partners, kids, parents, siblings and families just like everyone else."
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Ellenna
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Just found the movie, it's called Scarlet Road, so I was nearly right! Definitely worth a look for both of you, especially the part where the wonderful mum arranges sex for her son, very moving and beautiful
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Thanks for the recommendation we'll check it out.
I didn't think you were being patronising, just over cautious and I don't know why your question would offend anyone.
Stella worked as a comedian as well as a disability activist: one story she told was of a stranger asking her on a tram if she had a vagina! I'd recommend taking a look on youtube.
There's also an Australian movie about a sex worker who works with people with disabilities: I thought it was called Red Road, but can't find it on youtube right now. That would be worth a look, just for the attitudes and although it's about people with disabilities who've been wanting to have sex it would be a good one for you to watch together.
I did a Disability Care course a few years back but never ended up working in that field after a heart attack: sexuality and people with disabilities was covered in the course and apparently workers in some residential units arrange it for clients who want it. However, only for MALE clients as far as I could work out and maybe not for gay ones either, so your boyfriend is lucky to have you!
Good luck and would love to hear how it works out: not the details, just the successful outcome I'm sure you'll be able to achieve
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All went well.
When we watched the film my boyfriend found it kind of sad, and wished the people with the disabilities in it, had partners to receive 'real' love.
But it got us talking for a while about taboo topics on disabilities.
That's when I asked him more about his disability, and turns out after his accident he still has some feeling 'down there'. However he can't get an erection from visual stimulus (seeing/imagining something that would turn him on), only from touch.
Then I waited the next night to ask him, when he was feeling much more happier, if he wanted to have sex. He said yes, but he seemed really nervous and unsure of himself. But I helped him relax(took a while) then the deed was done!
Now I feel even closer to him.
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Oh Wow, that is just lovely! Bet it'll get easier and even more fun .... good on you for taking the initiative and I'm so glad my suggestion about the movie helped.
I had a shit day yesterday and today doesn't look like being much better, but your post has lifted my spirits - thanks so much for the update and I wish you both long and love & lust filled lives!
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Thanks for all the advice.
Yeah I feel like I should have done this a while ago. But never too late now.
Sorry to hear that, well I'm glad my post made you happy.
And I wish that you will see better and happier days soon.
Wow that's crazy yeah I'll check her out again, I do enjoy her comedy.
If people put themselves in other peoples shoes, I think the stares and stupid questions that disabled people get asked, would be less of a problem.
Okay why not, that sounds like an interesting watch.
Sorry to hear about your heart attack.
That's good they're given the opportunity and that it also organised for them too.
Ha I can say I'm lucky to have him.
My mum has study a disability care course too along with teaching (science education). But I found it awkward talking to my mum about sex, she's Christian so she belevies those things should be done and talked about privitely (to your partner). But she loves my boyfriend, and I'm glad and wouldn't want anymore from her.
Thank you.
Yeah sure I'll post and let everyone know how it went. Hopefully it goes well.