Is it normal not to be able to get over being hurt by a friend?

92% Normal
6 Comments

I am good friends with one of my supervisors. I am also friendly with his wife. I have been to their house several times for dinner, and we all get along well.

He and I talk a lot about work and other stuff, and he gives pretty good advice. I STUPIDLY decided to discuss a couple of guys I have met recently that fit into a pattern I have of only meeting and dating guys that are significantly older than me.

A few days later he asked me if I was in any way talking about him, which I was absolutely NOT. It was a very awkward conversation to say the least. He told me that he was just freaking out and said that he has NO romantic feelings for me.

I told him that he is MARRIED, so it would have been completely immoral for me to even bring it up to him if I did have feelings for him. Also, given that I am also friendly with his wife, and have had dinner with her in HER house, it would have been even worse. He apologized for questioning my integrity.

However, it is more than my integrity. It seems as if he doesn't even know who I am as a person if he could think that of me enough to bring it up. I am very hurt and offended. I feel like he doesn't know me at all. I haven't brought this part up yet, and I'm not sure I should.

I am having a hard time getting past this and wondering if being friends is even a good idea...

Help?

Voting Results
92% Normal
Based on 25 votes (23 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • mommy3
    13 years ago

    I wish more people had the morals you do

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  • Nukechoo
    13 years ago

    Just chill out, he was just making sure he knows you, and hasn't got it wrong. You worried him.

    Ok, now, I'm talking about my own personal thoughts here, so no-ones allowed to take offence, but here it is as I see it:

    Girls can either see someone sexually, or not sexually, and its affected by the situation (a married guy is not seen sexually by most girls for example).

    Every guy sees every girl sexually, regardless of either his or her circumstance. If it wasn't like this, we wouldn't bother coming on to any of you chicky babes. That's not to worry you, we're not all drooling idiots, we just don't have an off swatch for that side of us, as I said, if we did, it would permanently be in the off position, because its more trouble than its worth (I have spoken to several guys about this).

    He just wanted to make sure you were both playing off the same sheet of music, rather than blatently disregarding your character. Perhaps you confided a little more than he felt you trusted him.

    I doubt he meant to cause you fuss.

    I still say, normal to feel hurt, just need to see it from his point of view. He may even feel hurt about your response...

    Or, as someone's already said, maybe his wife wanted him to talk to you about it.

    I think more likely he wanted to ensure, as I've already said, that you weren't acting out of character.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Talk to the wife about it

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    He is just a coworker, who gives a shit?

    I never understand why people feel the need to be friends with coworkers. Such a dumb idea. Keep work and homelife seperate.

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  • gowila
    13 years ago

    If I was you I would explain that you are a female, and unlike him you don't consider every person of the opposite sex a possible fling. And also tell him that you are upset by his accusation. You need to tell him that you are not into him and don't see him like that at all.

    Another possibility is that he may have told his wife about you conversation with him and she may have susspected you and told him to talk to you.

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  • Freddiethegiantspider
    13 years ago

    It's pretty normal for him to be egocentric and think you were talking about him. I think you're taking his reaction a bit too seriously. His opinion of you probably wasn't even an issue; he was most likely just freaking out about a potential fiasco if you had romantic feelings for him.
    And on another note, friends cannot read your mind. Just because you talk with them occasionally or even frequently does not mean they know the ins and outs of your every thought and can predict your behavior.

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