To be honest, when you decided to Marry your Husband you took that oath to love and cherish him, and all that comes along with him including the children he had with another Woman.
I can understand your frustration, but in all essences it's not the child's fault. So don't hate the child, hate the situation. Talk to your Husband and explain to him how you feel, explain that you detest the childs Mother and you don't want anything to do with her. Cutting the Mother out of the picture is completely O.K and understandable and will take the complication out of the situation.
You may hate with a bloody passion the Mother of that child, but that child is also part of your Husband.
Lets reverse the rolls for a second:
How would you feel if (I don't wish this upon anyone) you two get a divorce, and 2-3+ years later you meet a new man and get married. Then one day he tells you he wants NOTHING to do with your child and detests her? And he says " It's not my child why should I support it"? After all, it was YOUR mistake to get into a failed marriage and have a child with you previous Husband. It would break your heart that your spouse does not accept your child.
unfortunately the vows we took applied to both of us, so we both needed to be honest before and when taking those vows, then we would not have such problems now. When i chose to marry him, it was because i was open and honest long before we got married about how i feel about his child and her mother, and he did not have any problem with that because he felt the same that time, that was before his sudden change of heart, which I also understand because it is his blood at the end of the day but not mine, hence i dont feel anything for this child. Even so, he made his choise to marry me and now he expects me to just change tune and accept staying with his child without even tlaking to me first, atleast to say something like, even though a lot has happened between me and the mother of this child, nut i have come to accept that it was not the child's fault as a result i have come to accept her, than to just tell me how unhappy it makes him that he cannot talk about his child and how he wants to stay with his child, how about if he maybe started by asking for the child to visit first or him visiting her first, so that atleast they get to know each other first before having this rediculuous expectation for the child that he, himself does not know. i feel betrayed, to me now it looks like he was not honest when taking those vows as he had something hanging to him but was not honest enough to express how he feels and now he is starting to tell me how this makes him unhappy that he cannot get any support from me when it comes to his child, still i dont know what kind of support he must be refering to.
is it normal not to accept my husband's child
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To be honest, when you decided to Marry your Husband you took that oath to love and cherish him, and all that comes along with him including the children he had with another Woman.
I can understand your frustration, but in all essences it's not the child's fault. So don't hate the child, hate the situation. Talk to your Husband and explain to him how you feel, explain that you detest the childs Mother and you don't want anything to do with her. Cutting the Mother out of the picture is completely O.K and understandable and will take the complication out of the situation.
You may hate with a bloody passion the Mother of that child, but that child is also part of your Husband.
Lets reverse the rolls for a second:
How would you feel if (I don't wish this upon anyone) you two get a divorce, and 2-3+ years later you meet a new man and get married. Then one day he tells you he wants NOTHING to do with your child and detests her? And he says " It's not my child why should I support it"? After all, it was YOUR mistake to get into a failed marriage and have a child with you previous Husband. It would break your heart that your spouse does not accept your child.
See my point?
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Anonymous Post Author
11 years ago
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unfortunately the vows we took applied to both of us, so we both needed to be honest before and when taking those vows, then we would not have such problems now. When i chose to marry him, it was because i was open and honest long before we got married about how i feel about his child and her mother, and he did not have any problem with that because he felt the same that time, that was before his sudden change of heart, which I also understand because it is his blood at the end of the day but not mine, hence i dont feel anything for this child. Even so, he made his choise to marry me and now he expects me to just change tune and accept staying with his child without even tlaking to me first, atleast to say something like, even though a lot has happened between me and the mother of this child, nut i have come to accept that it was not the child's fault as a result i have come to accept her, than to just tell me how unhappy it makes him that he cannot talk about his child and how he wants to stay with his child, how about if he maybe started by asking for the child to visit first or him visiting her first, so that atleast they get to know each other first before having this rediculuous expectation for the child that he, himself does not know. i feel betrayed, to me now it looks like he was not honest when taking those vows as he had something hanging to him but was not honest enough to express how he feels and now he is starting to tell me how this makes him unhappy that he cannot get any support from me when it comes to his child, still i dont know what kind of support he must be refering to.
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RomeoDeMontague
9 years ago
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If you knew about the child before you got married you should not have gotten married.