thank you for the response, however the way i feel now i doubt if I will ever welcome this child to my home for as long things contine the way they are now when it comes to her mom. i feel she is trying by all means to turn my husband against me. as mch as i nderstand his sudden change of heart because in reality she is his flash and blood but I also feel his asking of me to stay with this child is taking a bit too far. he can have all the relationship he wants with his child but not at my expense, i dont have time for his child neither a will to raise his child especialy with her mom around. how can he expect me to take his child, if i raise his child what will her mom be doing, having all the good times whilst i'm struggling with her child? i'm sorry for being honest, i dont want to complicate me and my children's life any further than it is already complicated because of this child
To be honest, when you decided to Marry your Husband you took that oath to love and cherish him, and all that comes along with him including the children he had with another Woman.
I can understand your frustration, but in all essences it's not the child's fault. So don't hate the child, hate the situation. Talk to your Husband and explain to him how you feel, explain that you detest the childs Mother and you don't want anything to do with her. Cutting the Mother out of the picture is completely O.K and understandable and will take the complication out of the situation.
You may hate with a bloody passion the Mother of that child, but that child is also part of your Husband.
Lets reverse the rolls for a second:
How would you feel if (I don't wish this upon anyone) you two get a divorce, and 2-3+ years later you meet a new man and get married. Then one day he tells you he wants NOTHING to do with your child and detests her? And he says " It's not my child why should I support it"? After all, it was YOUR mistake to get into a failed marriage and have a child with you previous Husband. It would break your heart that your spouse does not accept your child.
unfortunately the vows we took applied to both of us, so we both needed to be honest before and when taking those vows, then we would not have such problems now. When i chose to marry him, it was because i was open and honest long before we got married about how i feel about his child and her mother, and he did not have any problem with that because he felt the same that time, that was before his sudden change of heart, which I also understand because it is his blood at the end of the day but not mine, hence i dont feel anything for this child. Even so, he made his choise to marry me and now he expects me to just change tune and accept staying with his child without even tlaking to me first, atleast to say something like, even though a lot has happened between me and the mother of this child, nut i have come to accept that it was not the child's fault as a result i have come to accept her, than to just tell me how unhappy it makes him that he cannot talk about his child and how he wants to stay with his child, how about if he maybe started by asking for the child to visit first or him visiting her first, so that atleast they get to know each other first before having this rediculuous expectation for the child that he, himself does not know. i feel betrayed, to me now it looks like he was not honest when taking those vows as he had something hanging to him but was not honest enough to express how he feels and now he is starting to tell me how this makes him unhappy that he cannot get any support from me when it comes to his child, still i dont know what kind of support he must be refering to.
Then why did you marry him? You knew of this other child. And it truly doesn't matter how you feel about the child complicating your children's lives, because its already done. That is their step-sister whether you like it or not. And to be so hateful to a child is awful. Perhaps for everyone's best interest you should reconsider this marriage. By not accepting his daughter, you are not accepting a vital part of him.
Imagine you die, or divorce and his next wife exclaims the same. She doesn't accept your children. She feels they are not her problem and doesn't want to raise them. Would you expect him to choose her over them? Of course not, it is insane to make a man choose between you and his own child!
What? So because of her husbands mistake she's to leave her marriage and take her other kids away from their father? Split up their family because of HIS mistake that he doesn't even know? Pfft!
is it normal not to accept my husband's child
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thank you for the response, however the way i feel now i doubt if I will ever welcome this child to my home for as long things contine the way they are now when it comes to her mom. i feel she is trying by all means to turn my husband against me. as mch as i nderstand his sudden change of heart because in reality she is his flash and blood but I also feel his asking of me to stay with this child is taking a bit too far. he can have all the relationship he wants with his child but not at my expense, i dont have time for his child neither a will to raise his child especialy with her mom around. how can he expect me to take his child, if i raise his child what will her mom be doing, having all the good times whilst i'm struggling with her child? i'm sorry for being honest, i dont want to complicate me and my children's life any further than it is already complicated because of this child
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Grendel1013
11 years ago
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Caps90
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Ices
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To be honest, when you decided to Marry your Husband you took that oath to love and cherish him, and all that comes along with him including the children he had with another Woman.
I can understand your frustration, but in all essences it's not the child's fault. So don't hate the child, hate the situation. Talk to your Husband and explain to him how you feel, explain that you detest the childs Mother and you don't want anything to do with her. Cutting the Mother out of the picture is completely O.K and understandable and will take the complication out of the situation.
You may hate with a bloody passion the Mother of that child, but that child is also part of your Husband.
Lets reverse the rolls for a second:
How would you feel if (I don't wish this upon anyone) you two get a divorce, and 2-3+ years later you meet a new man and get married. Then one day he tells you he wants NOTHING to do with your child and detests her? And he says " It's not my child why should I support it"? After all, it was YOUR mistake to get into a failed marriage and have a child with you previous Husband. It would break your heart that your spouse does not accept your child.
See my point?
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Anonymous Post Author
11 years ago
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unfortunately the vows we took applied to both of us, so we both needed to be honest before and when taking those vows, then we would not have such problems now. When i chose to marry him, it was because i was open and honest long before we got married about how i feel about his child and her mother, and he did not have any problem with that because he felt the same that time, that was before his sudden change of heart, which I also understand because it is his blood at the end of the day but not mine, hence i dont feel anything for this child. Even so, he made his choise to marry me and now he expects me to just change tune and accept staying with his child without even tlaking to me first, atleast to say something like, even though a lot has happened between me and the mother of this child, nut i have come to accept that it was not the child's fault as a result i have come to accept her, than to just tell me how unhappy it makes him that he cannot talk about his child and how he wants to stay with his child, how about if he maybe started by asking for the child to visit first or him visiting her first, so that atleast they get to know each other first before having this rediculuous expectation for the child that he, himself does not know. i feel betrayed, to me now it looks like he was not honest when taking those vows as he had something hanging to him but was not honest enough to express how he feels and now he is starting to tell me how this makes him unhappy that he cannot get any support from me when it comes to his child, still i dont know what kind of support he must be refering to.
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RomeoDeMontague
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If you knew about the child before you got married you should not have gotten married.
Just don't let your dislike for her mom to cause dislike to her. Maybe if you try to like her your husband will too. It's not her fault she was born.
Then why did you marry him? You knew of this other child. And it truly doesn't matter how you feel about the child complicating your children's lives, because its already done. That is their step-sister whether you like it or not. And to be so hateful to a child is awful. Perhaps for everyone's best interest you should reconsider this marriage. By not accepting his daughter, you are not accepting a vital part of him.
Imagine you die, or divorce and his next wife exclaims the same. She doesn't accept your children. She feels they are not her problem and doesn't want to raise them. Would you expect him to choose her over them? Of course not, it is insane to make a man choose between you and his own child!
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Chellebelle
6 years ago
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Ices
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What? So because of her husbands mistake she's to leave her marriage and take her other kids away from their father? Split up their family because of HIS mistake that he doesn't even know? Pfft!
sorry HALF-SISTER* not step.