But don't you think if he has the intent to cheat it is just as bad as cheating? I mean does he only come back to me because he can't make it work with them?
If he's not cheating because he can't find someone else who is willing to have sex with him, it's exactly as bad as cheating. The fact that he's trying to cheat and is just so lame that he can't accomplish it doesn't get him any fucking favors.
That being said, are you saying he's been actively trying to cheat or that he's just infatuated with these girls? Because this is kind of vague and we can't form any other opinion than 'your husband is a dick'.
Even if he's not literally trying though, I wouldn't take leaving him off the table based on how little regard he has for you.
Honestly, regardless of whether or not he's cheating what matters is how he treats you. He makes you feel like a sister he hates... That is obviously an unhealthy relationship. Please leave him, if you don't it could have serious repercussions on your psyche. I don't have to know you to know that you can find someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated.
An intention to cheat, which is what you believe but have no proof of, is not the same thing as actually cheating. Most people have attractions outside their primary relationship: if they don't act on them how can you call it cheating?
I'd be more concerned about how he treats you when these alleged attractions occur: maybe if you focussed on the facts of that rather than theories about what's going on in his head this situation could be improved with counselling, but I don't see the point of continuing to accuse him of something when you have no proof.
I have only offered facts. Most people agree that intent is the same thing as cheating.
if someone is tired of their partner, and they try to find a new love, but then they are constantly rejected, and can't find a person who will even smile at them, is that cheating?
They didn't get the opportunity to cheat. But they tried.
that I asked whether he's cheating? What do you mean - that he obviously is?
I'm just taking it as face value that he's not. But the description obviously sounds like he's being quite a dick, but this is from her perspective; I really don't know what the actual reality is or how badly he's actually treating her. Basically sounds like he's ignoring her, which is terrible. But it's not necessarily time for a divorce, in my opinion.
I just think it's a bit rash to walk out without trying everything possible to get through to him or make it work.
But yeah..I don't really know. Just a quick opinion.
Yes that you asked whether he was cheating or not, because at this point it doesn't fucking matter. The way he is treating her, no matter what angle you look at it from, is very bad and destructive.
It also doesn't matter if it is just from her perspective or not, if he knows she feels this way and doesn't care enough to talk about it then she needs to get away from him. No one in their right mind would be okay with knowing their wife feels like that.
And if you "don't really know" then stop weighing in on something that is far too serious for your level of uncertainty
Hey, take it easy chief.
Actually, ya know what, go fuck yourself.
You don't have a clue either. None of us do. It's a completely non-specific description of general vague behaviors from a biased perspective.
That's why I'm erring on the side of caution; I realise I don't know all the facts and gave the strong caveat that it's just my opinion. A cautious one at that - you know, I'm not rushing out telling this lady to end her marriage, that would be you.
You're obviously convinced, *based on a single paragraph*, that this lady should divorce. That's your opinion and your entitled to it.
I just don't share your strong convictions, because there was not enough information given for me OR YOU.
Look, maybe this scenario hits a nerve for you, that's the impression you're giving off. But the way you are reading the op, and the scenario you are imagining is not necessarily anything like the reality.
People are going to have different opinions to yours on this site, and if your attitude is "I'm always right, everyone who disagrees should shut up" then I'm telling you now, seriously go fuck yourself and please don't respond to my posts again.
But apart from that, I'm totally down for discussion and I'm very reasonable. Just not with rude fuckwits, that's all.
"He treats me like I am an obnoxious sister he doesn't want to know. He doesn't hear what I say, respond to me. or remember anything we have talked about or even done." That's all the information you should need buddy. More than enough. I still can't believe you think differently. In no world is that okay
IIN my husband changes when he starts teaching every autumn?
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This is a very thoughtful response, but man, idk. She should just leave him
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DuHast
6 years ago
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Yeh maybe, even if he's not cheating though?
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fluffy1uv
6 years ago
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But don't you think if he has the intent to cheat it is just as bad as cheating? I mean does he only come back to me because he can't make it work with them?
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iEatZombies_
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fluffy1uv
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Ellenna
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If he's not cheating because he can't find someone else who is willing to have sex with him, it's exactly as bad as cheating. The fact that he's trying to cheat and is just so lame that he can't accomplish it doesn't get him any fucking favors.
That being said, are you saying he's been actively trying to cheat or that he's just infatuated with these girls? Because this is kind of vague and we can't form any other opinion than 'your husband is a dick'.
Even if he's not literally trying though, I wouldn't take leaving him off the table based on how little regard he has for you.
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I think he would cheat if one of the girls gave him the go. His infatuation is over the top.
Honestly, regardless of whether or not he's cheating what matters is how he treats you. He makes you feel like a sister he hates... That is obviously an unhealthy relationship. Please leave him, if you don't it could have serious repercussions on your psyche. I don't have to know you to know that you can find someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated.
An intention to cheat, which is what you believe but have no proof of, is not the same thing as actually cheating. Most people have attractions outside their primary relationship: if they don't act on them how can you call it cheating?
I'd be more concerned about how he treats you when these alleged attractions occur: maybe if you focussed on the facts of that rather than theories about what's going on in his head this situation could be improved with counselling, but I don't see the point of continuing to accuse him of something when you have no proof.
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I have only offered facts. Most people agree that intent is the same thing as cheating.
if someone is tired of their partner, and they try to find a new love, but then they are constantly rejected, and can't find a person who will even smile at them, is that cheating?
They didn't get the opportunity to cheat. But they tried.
No, definitely. I am flabbergasted that you even asked that. Did you not read their description of him?
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DuHast
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that I asked whether he's cheating? What do you mean - that he obviously is?
I'm just taking it as face value that he's not. But the description obviously sounds like he's being quite a dick, but this is from her perspective; I really don't know what the actual reality is or how badly he's actually treating her. Basically sounds like he's ignoring her, which is terrible. But it's not necessarily time for a divorce, in my opinion.
I just think it's a bit rash to walk out without trying everything possible to get through to him or make it work.
But yeah..I don't really know. Just a quick opinion.
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fluffy1uv
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Yes that you asked whether he was cheating or not, because at this point it doesn't fucking matter. The way he is treating her, no matter what angle you look at it from, is very bad and destructive.
It also doesn't matter if it is just from her perspective or not, if he knows she feels this way and doesn't care enough to talk about it then she needs to get away from him. No one in their right mind would be okay with knowing their wife feels like that.
And if you "don't really know" then stop weighing in on something that is far too serious for your level of uncertainty
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DuHast
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Thank you so much for your response. It helps me feel better.
Hey, take it easy chief.
Actually, ya know what, go fuck yourself.
You don't have a clue either. None of us do. It's a completely non-specific description of general vague behaviors from a biased perspective.
That's why I'm erring on the side of caution; I realise I don't know all the facts and gave the strong caveat that it's just my opinion. A cautious one at that - you know, I'm not rushing out telling this lady to end her marriage, that would be you.
You're obviously convinced, *based on a single paragraph*, that this lady should divorce. That's your opinion and your entitled to it.
I just don't share your strong convictions, because there was not enough information given for me OR YOU.
Look, maybe this scenario hits a nerve for you, that's the impression you're giving off. But the way you are reading the op, and the scenario you are imagining is not necessarily anything like the reality.
People are going to have different opinions to yours on this site, and if your attitude is "I'm always right, everyone who disagrees should shut up" then I'm telling you now, seriously go fuck yourself and please don't respond to my posts again.
But apart from that, I'm totally down for discussion and I'm very reasonable. Just not with rude fuckwits, that's all.
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fluffy1uv
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"He treats me like I am an obnoxious sister he doesn't want to know. He doesn't hear what I say, respond to me. or remember anything we have talked about or even done." That's all the information you should need buddy. More than enough. I still can't believe you think differently. In no world is that okay