Is it normal my dad said raising me may be a wasted effort?

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8 Comments

I am a 24 year old girl and an only child.

My parents married a month before I was born. They have a pretty tumultuous relationship - they go between acting as if they're in love and having very nasty fights that do not really get resolved. My dad holds a lot of things against her, many of which happened years ago. My mom has gotten to the point where I think she pretends she is in a different place when they have fights. I don't think they've ever been particularly intimate with each other on any level.

Anyhow, last time we went on vacation together (I often dread these), my dad told me that if I don't get married and have a kid soon, raising me would have been for nothing. He said "I want a grandkid!"

The thing is that I very much want to get married and have children. I just have not met anyone I could do that with yet. I also have some difficulty in relationships because I do not have a good example from my parents.

So my question is, is this something parents say to their adult children with any frequency? That if there is no grandkid that raising them would not have been worth it.

It hurt me very much. I don't think I will feel this way about my children when I have them.

I probably already know the answer, but if anyone has any input I would appreciate it.

Voting Results
25% Normal
Based on 52 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    He wants you to be as miserable as he is.

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  • Allysa
    8 years ago

    I think your parents love you very much. They stayed together for only you. I think your parents were in an argument earlier together and that was unresolved and your dad took out his anger on you. My dad has said a lot of things in anger at me too but you shouldn't take it personally.

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  • tripw7
    10 years ago

    Obviously, you know what is right and what is un-acceptable in a relationship. Don't jump into anything that you don't feel comfortable with. You know what we mean regarding having sexual relations with very good safeguards.
    Good luck, but we think you will be just fine. You are way ahead of your parents.
    It's important however to have sex with quite a lot of guys that you like. Only then will you know what you like and who you respect regarding their comments and actions.

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  • All_Fired_Up
    12 years ago

    Your fathers just an a$$

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  • flamenquera
    12 years ago

    Don't pay any attention to what your father say's. He has no right to make a decision like that for you. It is your life and you will know when it is time for you to get married and have kids. If you go along with it just because you want to please your dad, I am sure you will end it regretting it for the rest of your life. Do what makes you happy and what feels right.
    Look at his example; married with a daughter and that wasn't enough.

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  • Twarrior
    12 years ago

    He's probably right.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    From what you are telling us, he sounds like someone you shouldn't take seriously. I'm sure you already know this. However, I do understand that even if it's not true, it hurts coming from your own father's mouth. Just keep in mind that when parents get old, they get rather anxious about grandkids ;) BUT, that's no reason to say what he said. AND, please don't fall for the pressure and please take your time. You don't want to sacrifice your own happiness for his, right? Marriage and children are big parts of life, so whatever he says, believe in yourself ;)

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    He sounds like a right idiot. How does he know that if you got married and had a child, that he would ever see it? Having a child is a big responsibility 24/7 and none of his concern. Maybe he just wants to see you sacrifice your life the way your mom did so that he can browbeat both of you.

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