Speaking from a guy's perspective, I can think of a few things that may have motivated your boyfriend's behavior. First, he may have wanted to share something personal to him, so that you might feel more comfortable. You should understand that his ex used to be in your position, and he was close/attached, and his relationship with her was meaningful. So, for him to share about that relationship, even by showing you a picture of her, is a step of sharing. The second thing I can think of is an attempt to impress you. If he feels insecure in your relationship, he may have wanted to show you a picture of his ex girlfriend because he wants you to think that he is worthy of "beautiful" girls and your attention. However, his actions were clearly a miscalculation on his part. I think it was very insensitive for him to do such a thing, and you were right to feel upset. However, I do think it's pretty normal. There is nothing to worry about. It sounds like he just had a lapse in judgment, because he wasn't considering how you would feel and react. He was more focused on his need to feel more secure/appreciated/close.
My suggestion is that you compliment him, and tell him that you appreciate being close to him. Then, have a discussion about how you felt at the time he decided to show you the picture, and why. Remember to recall specifically what action he did, and how that action caused you to feel what you felt. Tell him that you want to be close to him, and that you are glad that he wants to share his history with you. Then make sure to add that, for the future, you would appreciate having a conversation beforehand, to be a little more prepared, just in case he ever wants to share more about an ex again. (and assuming you would be willing/wanting to listen to him talk about his past relationships) At that time, after having a conversation about sharing and being appreciated, it would be appropriate for you to reciprocate and share some of your history, etc...
I don't think it was completely wrong what he did, but I do think that it was rude and insensitive. If I had to guess, I would say that he hasn't had many relationships, and so he doesn't understand that it's best to leave exes in the past, and not talk about them with your partner unless you first have a discussion about sharing your feelings/history, and desire to feel close/secure/appreciated. He should never simply hop on her computer and pull up a picture of an ex. Major bonehead maneuver!
Think of this as an opportunity to share something with your partner and to become closer with him. Or, if all the signs are all pointing the other way...(didn't get that sense from your story) free yourself from him and go on your own! Just be sure to give him a chance to explain!
is it normal my boyfriend showed me a pic of his ex?
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Speaking from a guy's perspective, I can think of a few things that may have motivated your boyfriend's behavior. First, he may have wanted to share something personal to him, so that you might feel more comfortable. You should understand that his ex used to be in your position, and he was close/attached, and his relationship with her was meaningful. So, for him to share about that relationship, even by showing you a picture of her, is a step of sharing. The second thing I can think of is an attempt to impress you. If he feels insecure in your relationship, he may have wanted to show you a picture of his ex girlfriend because he wants you to think that he is worthy of "beautiful" girls and your attention. However, his actions were clearly a miscalculation on his part. I think it was very insensitive for him to do such a thing, and you were right to feel upset. However, I do think it's pretty normal. There is nothing to worry about. It sounds like he just had a lapse in judgment, because he wasn't considering how you would feel and react. He was more focused on his need to feel more secure/appreciated/close.
My suggestion is that you compliment him, and tell him that you appreciate being close to him. Then, have a discussion about how you felt at the time he decided to show you the picture, and why. Remember to recall specifically what action he did, and how that action caused you to feel what you felt. Tell him that you want to be close to him, and that you are glad that he wants to share his history with you. Then make sure to add that, for the future, you would appreciate having a conversation beforehand, to be a little more prepared, just in case he ever wants to share more about an ex again. (and assuming you would be willing/wanting to listen to him talk about his past relationships) At that time, after having a conversation about sharing and being appreciated, it would be appropriate for you to reciprocate and share some of your history, etc...
I don't think it was completely wrong what he did, but I do think that it was rude and insensitive. If I had to guess, I would say that he hasn't had many relationships, and so he doesn't understand that it's best to leave exes in the past, and not talk about them with your partner unless you first have a discussion about sharing your feelings/history, and desire to feel close/secure/appreciated. He should never simply hop on her computer and pull up a picture of an ex. Major bonehead maneuver!
Think of this as an opportunity to share something with your partner and to become closer with him. Or, if all the signs are all pointing the other way...(didn't get that sense from your story) free yourself from him and go on your own! Just be sure to give him a chance to explain!
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parakiss
13 years ago
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thank you h20lover that was a huge help. makes me rethink of why he showed me her picture in the first place.