Speculation: Your boyfriend sounds like he may be experiencing some severe anger issues, and possibly depression (the fight in the street definitely makes this likely). That said, he has picked a quite appropriately intelligent way to expend this energy, through the sport of wrestling. Your suspicion that he is hiding his injuries further suggests that there is definitely something going on with him. The need to protect those he perceives as weaker than him, the attempt to master all these martial arts and to overcome those he perceives to be more powerful than him etc. all these are very ingenious ways of hiding hurt and finding ways to sublimate them, without having to deal with the actual feelings of hurt themselves. Perhaps you should speak with him about your concern for his health, and his outbursts of rage in those situations.
Just let him know that you've noticed and are worried about him >Hopefully, when he is ready (and before many more bystanders have to take trips to the hospital) he will take steps to deal with his true feelings.
Thank you, bazwell. I had a serious talk with him and now I understand why this is happening: his stepfather was beating him and his mother almost every day for absolutely no reason when my bf was a kid. Will to protect himself and his mom forced him into fighting sports. After a few years, when my bf was approx 16-17, he beated his stepfather when he raised his hands on them again. After that stepfather has left the family.
As he said to me, every time he faces someone, he can see his stepfather, not his opponent, what brings extreme fury. This can also explain his tendency to pick more stronger opponents (his stepfather was way more stronger for a long time) and his desire to protect weaker people (like his mom and now me too).
I just don't understand why he never said anything about it. We've been together for years, why he was hiding it?
He agreed to visit psychotherapist in a few days. I hope this will help him to control himself and quit those fights with his friends.
Is it normal: My boyfriend enjoys fighting
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Speculation: Your boyfriend sounds like he may be experiencing some severe anger issues, and possibly depression (the fight in the street definitely makes this likely). That said, he has picked a quite appropriately intelligent way to expend this energy, through the sport of wrestling. Your suspicion that he is hiding his injuries further suggests that there is definitely something going on with him. The need to protect those he perceives as weaker than him, the attempt to master all these martial arts and to overcome those he perceives to be more powerful than him etc. all these are very ingenious ways of hiding hurt and finding ways to sublimate them, without having to deal with the actual feelings of hurt themselves. Perhaps you should speak with him about your concern for his health, and his outbursts of rage in those situations.
Just let him know that you've noticed and are worried about him >Hopefully, when he is ready (and before many more bystanders have to take trips to the hospital) he will take steps to deal with his true feelings.
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BlackCrystal
13 years ago
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Thank you, bazwell. I had a serious talk with him and now I understand why this is happening: his stepfather was beating him and his mother almost every day for absolutely no reason when my bf was a kid. Will to protect himself and his mom forced him into fighting sports. After a few years, when my bf was approx 16-17, he beated his stepfather when he raised his hands on them again. After that stepfather has left the family.
As he said to me, every time he faces someone, he can see his stepfather, not his opponent, what brings extreme fury. This can also explain his tendency to pick more stronger opponents (his stepfather was way more stronger for a long time) and his desire to protect weaker people (like his mom and now me too).
I just don't understand why he never said anything about it. We've been together for years, why he was hiding it?
He agreed to visit psychotherapist in a few days. I hope this will help him to control himself and quit those fights with his friends.