Is it normal: my boyfriend enjoys fighting

Hello. Is it normal that my bf enjoys brutal fights with his friends? He's very kind, my parents love him, he always takes care of me, he's interesting, we always spend good time together and he's never angry, mad or stressed, he's not drinking/smoking, however, his desire to fight distracts me. He's been into roman-greek wrestling and kickboxing since he was a child. His friends are also good guys, kind, helpful and interesting, but they also are very deep into different fighting styles: wrestling, boxing, kickboxing, sambo etc. We've talked about this a few times and he told me that it's their "game", it's how he and his friends are having fun. This is NOT fun in my eyes, since I saw a few of those fights, this more reminds war: no rules, savage beating, blood, injuries etc. He also tends to pick more stronger opponents, more stronger than he is (he thinks that picking on weaker people is immoral and he also has a tendency to protect weaker people). Quite often when we cuddle I can feel that his body extremely hurts, but he tries to hide it from me. Also, it scares me to know with what kind of brutality he beats his opponent, he's in total rage and out of control when he fights. Once some thugs began to pick on me on a street and he went into absolute frenzy, sending them in near-death state right into hospital, while police took him away. However, he never raised his hand or voice at me and I doubt he ever will. And again, he's extremely kind and nice in real life to everyone.

Is this normal? I'm afraid about his health: he already has problems with his back and right elbow. Anything I can do to stop his will to fight?

Voting Results
59% Normal
Based on 49 votes (29 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • Lonely2

    Its the extreme nature of his interests and actions that make it a problem...a little bit is a healthy outlet...you already helped him by allowing him to talk about it

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  • anime-dreamer

    i do that stuff

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  • dingzilla

    I'll kick his ass. Ahhhhghhh

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  • My ex boyrfriend seemed like a sweet guy too until he put a gun to my head once and then pushed me down the stairs. He got violent out of no where for no reason. Im not saying your bf is like my ex I'm just saying be carefull

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  • Thuban

    I agree with bazwell, there's something under the surface there. Watch the movie Fight Club, maybe that'll clear some of it up. Eventually though, he might not be able to fight tougher guys, and then who does he take the anger out on? Definitely talk it out.

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  • bazwell

    Speculation: Your boyfriend sounds like he may be experiencing some severe anger issues, and possibly depression (the fight in the street definitely makes this likely). That said, he has picked a quite appropriately intelligent way to expend this energy, through the sport of wrestling. Your suspicion that he is hiding his injuries further suggests that there is definitely something going on with him. The need to protect those he perceives as weaker than him, the attempt to master all these martial arts and to overcome those he perceives to be more powerful than him etc. all these are very ingenious ways of hiding hurt and finding ways to sublimate them, without having to deal with the actual feelings of hurt themselves. Perhaps you should speak with him about your concern for his health, and his outbursts of rage in those situations.

    Just let him know that you've noticed and are worried about him >Hopefully, when he is ready (and before many more bystanders have to take trips to the hospital) he will take steps to deal with his true feelings.

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    • BlackCrystal

      Thank you, bazwell. I had a serious talk with him and now I understand why this is happening: his stepfather was beating him and his mother almost every day for absolutely no reason when my bf was a kid. Will to protect himself and his mom forced him into fighting sports. After a few years, when my bf was approx 16-17, he beated his stepfather when he raised his hands on them again. After that stepfather has left the family.
      As he said to me, every time he faces someone, he can see his stepfather, not his opponent, what brings extreme fury. This can also explain his tendency to pick more stronger opponents (his stepfather was way more stronger for a long time) and his desire to protect weaker people (like his mom and now me too).

      I just don't understand why he never said anything about it. We've been together for years, why he was hiding it?

      He agreed to visit psychotherapist in a few days. I hope this will help him to control himself and quit those fights with his friends.

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  • bluescrubs

    dont complain or he will beat you

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