When you're both calm, say "I like when we're like this, and I hate it when we argue. Let's decide on a strategy - when we get upset with each other, let's say 'ten minutes' as a code to go away from each other for at least ten minutes, and write down our feelings. Then we can give what we wrote to each other to read either then or later, but after ten minutes let's meet up just to hug without words, then afterward if you want to finish what you were writing, say 'ten more minutes', but that's the total time limit. After that time, hug again, then both of us say sorry to the other for hurting feelings no matter who is right or wrong. I want to remind us that we love each other." And good luck. If he is invested in making your relationship a healthy one, and he is mature, he'll do it.
Honestly, as a woman, writing a note would piss me off further. Communication is key. If you dont communicate then its pointless. If its long distance, and one or the other hang up on each other then, communticaation needs to be worked on. Notes will further the anger and some things are better left unsaid.
It's a necessary step, even if it's full of malefience or totally one-sided, & even if he rips it up after or burns it (which I'd recommend if it is either of the above), or shreds & composts it, whatever. It needs to be on something concrete like paper, even if it's a printout. The letter shouldn't be kept around to mull over later, or send to friends, or to be thrown in the partner's face. The point is to get the feelings out so they can be examined. It's a techniques I read about in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, the only one I actually tried despite having my doubts, and I remember being shocked that it worked. So you really never know.
I assume what you read is from a womans magazine. I just cant see it working and even if it does the words that id put she shouldnt see. Just. Not good idea. An idea from a woman read by a woman that will only work with a woman. Lol. I dispise those articles women right claiming to know what to do about men.
Is it normal my bf won't leave me alone when I need it ?
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When you're both calm, say "I like when we're like this, and I hate it when we argue. Let's decide on a strategy - when we get upset with each other, let's say 'ten minutes' as a code to go away from each other for at least ten minutes, and write down our feelings. Then we can give what we wrote to each other to read either then or later, but after ten minutes let's meet up just to hug without words, then afterward if you want to finish what you were writing, say 'ten more minutes', but that's the total time limit. After that time, hug again, then both of us say sorry to the other for hurting feelings no matter who is right or wrong. I want to remind us that we love each other." And good luck. If he is invested in making your relationship a healthy one, and he is mature, he'll do it.
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MaxCapacity2121
9 years ago
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JaxX
9 years ago
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Honestly, as a woman, writing a note would piss me off further. Communication is key. If you dont communicate then its pointless. If its long distance, and one or the other hang up on each other then, communticaation needs to be worked on. Notes will further the anger and some things are better left unsaid.
Thats sounds healthy and good. But goodluck getting a man to write down his feelings :p
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ifonlyuknew247
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It's a necessary step, even if it's full of malefience or totally one-sided, & even if he rips it up after or burns it (which I'd recommend if it is either of the above), or shreds & composts it, whatever. It needs to be on something concrete like paper, even if it's a printout. The letter shouldn't be kept around to mull over later, or send to friends, or to be thrown in the partner's face. The point is to get the feelings out so they can be examined. It's a techniques I read about in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, the only one I actually tried despite having my doubts, and I remember being shocked that it worked. So you really never know.
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JaxX
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I assume what you read is from a womans magazine. I just cant see it working and even if it does the words that id put she shouldnt see. Just. Not good idea. An idea from a woman read by a woman that will only work with a woman. Lol. I dispise those articles women right claiming to know what to do about men.
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ifonlyuknew247
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LOL Actually "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" was an extremely popular relationship book written by a man, Dr. John Gray, in the 1990s.