Is it normal my bf prefers to work alone than spend time with me?

My boyfriend has a lot of serious personal projects he is working on, so whenever I ask him to come do stuff with me on weekends he prefers to be alone & work instead. This has happened almost every time. He's polite, but he only likes to work. I have even asked him to come on trips with me, we've never been on one yet. He really is a good guy, but just only likes to work/be on his projects alone. I often won't see him for days at a time, he is always working.

He often wants the whole weekend to himself bc he's so focused. Often I won't see him at all. When I sleep over, he'll often have me out early so he can get back to work/be alone again. He doesn't even like to cuddle, we've never cuddled in the morning. He's not cheating I don't think, he has plenty of friends but chooses not to hang w them too, only likes to be alone.

How can I sustain a relationship like this? I do feel a bit lonely. I love going out & doing cool things or adventures. I find myself always doing them alone. Is this just normal for men? & what can I do about it?

Is It Normal?
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  • Eww. That doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend to me.

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    • Agreed. I don't understand what the point of a relationship would be for someone who likes to be alone all the time and doesn't seem to care if they rarely get to see their partner.

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      • Thanks ya'll!! I really didn't think this was normal either. It's been a long road & really dragging me down. I'm going to get out soon/start therapy to help myself. Thanks for agreeing

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  • First off - are you SURE hes alone ? Are you happy with the relationship like it is ? But also, maybe he has alot on his mind. Like his other gf ? Just kidding. But usually a guy likes some sort of attention and affection.

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  • He sounds like an introvert and a bit of a workaholic too.
    He needs to learn that if you have a relationship you need to put aside some time for it to do nice things together.
    Try couples therapy or just sit him down and have a serious conversation and tell him if he can't make more effort you'll leave.

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  • His being focused is not the issue. In fact, its a good sign as he takes his responsibilities serious.

    Him not focusing enough key time with you is the issue; and that is likely because he does not understand your needs and may 100% totally believe that his working hard is showing you that he loves you (and often that's a complete miss for most ladies).

    The 1st key problem for both or you is a lack of knowledge on what does it take to convince the other in meaningful ways that you love and care for them (you would not have even posted your question if you knew this).

    There may be other issues beyond that... but its the 1st place to start (and by itself resolves about 85% of your kind of issues).

    I suggest you get 2 copies of the book: "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. This will provide both of you with key knowledge (and will almost certainly be an eye opener for both of you).

    Each of you will likely read the book at a diferent pace. That's OK, as long as the other is progressing through the book (typically in several weeks).

    Tell him that you really want to make your relationship work .. and its straining right now; and that reading the books (and maybe a few more) is a lot cheaper than counseling (often $100-$300 per hour).

    I suspect that both of you will learn how important it is to properly communicate certain things... and he will adjust to your needs.

    I wish you well with this,

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