You are not the problem here. I have to say that straight away. You need to hear that.
I am so, so sorry for all that has happened to you, I honestly don't know what to say, I can't imagine it. But in spite of your past, you have come through to be an amazing person. Yes, I can only base that on what I know of you on IIN, but from what I have seen on site, you are a truly amazing, strong, intelligent person, and I admire that.
Yes, it is hard to be with someone with anxiety issues, but fuck, after what you've been through, it's hardly surprising that you have them. He's not helping by abusing you further. There's no excuse for physically hurting you.
I'm glad you said you're looking at talking to your counsellor again. Maybe the two of you could see a counsellor together. It worries me that he has physically hurt you, and while I'm inclined to say "ditch him" based on that...it's not my call. But I would be very wary of someone who resorts to that kind of violence. And then there's the issue of emotional stuff...
I think seeing the counsellor is your best move. I really hope things get better for you, you're a beautiful person and you deserve so much better.
I did break it off actually... go figure, couple's counseling is the one thing he didn't want to try. I tried to be understanding of his problems, but the fact of the matter is he gave so little understanding into mine I don't see why I should bother anymore.
I talked to him this afternoon and was saying how I wanted to maybe hash things out a little better, really get down to what we each need to work on while on this break, but he won't accept responsibility for anything he's done. He kept saying he was going to acccept responsibility for his actions but apparently that was just talk.
It kinda kills me though... at baseline he was such a good person, truly a beautiful soul. It kinda still kills me to wonder what could have been, but if I try to dwell on that I might make myself sick. Thank you so much for your kind words hun, you're one of the IIN crew I've always liked and admired. :)
Blah. There's not much to do if only one of you is willing to work on it :( And yeah, it needs to be a two way street. He needs to try to see how things are for you, instead of just exacerbating the problem.
Give yourself some space. The first little while is hard and it's so easy to blame yourself for everything, and think of what could have been. We all have our own damage, and if he's not prepared to work on his, then no matter how good a person he is, what can you do?
And you're welcome :) The feeling is very mutual :)
Judging by the reactions I've been getting out of other people... one of my friends is now saying she wants to kick his ass. :x I mean, I'll put up with a lot if I'm really committed to something. But how can he insult me, throw me, scream in my face and tell me he wants me to be scared and then turn around 2 days later and claim he did nothing wrong.
:/ I do hope he can work on his temper, apparently he's lining up another girl already. One with 2 kids. Who knows, maybe I was enough of the problem that he won't snap on her, but the thought of that happening does scare me... though it's so hard to really feel convinced, plenty of people still seem to think I'm just being weak and oversensitive. Maybe I am.
I don't even know if a professional would give me an accurate judgement because I feel like they might try to be too nice to me, since it is their job to help me. If I need to hear the hard truth I wanna hear it. :x
Is it normal my anxiety scared my boyfriend away?
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You are not the problem here. I have to say that straight away. You need to hear that.
I am so, so sorry for all that has happened to you, I honestly don't know what to say, I can't imagine it. But in spite of your past, you have come through to be an amazing person. Yes, I can only base that on what I know of you on IIN, but from what I have seen on site, you are a truly amazing, strong, intelligent person, and I admire that.
Yes, it is hard to be with someone with anxiety issues, but fuck, after what you've been through, it's hardly surprising that you have them. He's not helping by abusing you further. There's no excuse for physically hurting you.
I'm glad you said you're looking at talking to your counsellor again. Maybe the two of you could see a counsellor together. It worries me that he has physically hurt you, and while I'm inclined to say "ditch him" based on that...it's not my call. But I would be very wary of someone who resorts to that kind of violence. And then there's the issue of emotional stuff...
I think seeing the counsellor is your best move. I really hope things get better for you, you're a beautiful person and you deserve so much better.
--
shade_ilmaendu
10 years ago
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I did break it off actually... go figure, couple's counseling is the one thing he didn't want to try. I tried to be understanding of his problems, but the fact of the matter is he gave so little understanding into mine I don't see why I should bother anymore.
I talked to him this afternoon and was saying how I wanted to maybe hash things out a little better, really get down to what we each need to work on while on this break, but he won't accept responsibility for anything he's done. He kept saying he was going to acccept responsibility for his actions but apparently that was just talk.
It kinda kills me though... at baseline he was such a good person, truly a beautiful soul. It kinda still kills me to wonder what could have been, but if I try to dwell on that I might make myself sick. Thank you so much for your kind words hun, you're one of the IIN crew I've always liked and admired. :)
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charli.m
10 years ago
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Blah. There's not much to do if only one of you is willing to work on it :( And yeah, it needs to be a two way street. He needs to try to see how things are for you, instead of just exacerbating the problem.
Give yourself some space. The first little while is hard and it's so easy to blame yourself for everything, and think of what could have been. We all have our own damage, and if he's not prepared to work on his, then no matter how good a person he is, what can you do?
And you're welcome :) The feeling is very mutual :)
--
shade_ilmaendu
10 years ago
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Judging by the reactions I've been getting out of other people... one of my friends is now saying she wants to kick his ass. :x I mean, I'll put up with a lot if I'm really committed to something. But how can he insult me, throw me, scream in my face and tell me he wants me to be scared and then turn around 2 days later and claim he did nothing wrong.
:/ I do hope he can work on his temper, apparently he's lining up another girl already. One with 2 kids. Who knows, maybe I was enough of the problem that he won't snap on her, but the thought of that happening does scare me... though it's so hard to really feel convinced, plenty of people still seem to think I'm just being weak and oversensitive. Maybe I am.
I don't even know if a professional would give me an accurate judgement because I feel like they might try to be too nice to me, since it is their job to help me. If I need to hear the hard truth I wanna hear it. :x
--
chewy
10 years ago
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Uh.... Hi
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shade_ilmaendu
10 years ago
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o.o why hello thar.