Oh, bloody hell... Italian men and Italian families. 🙄
I'm not Italian, but I lived in Italy for a few years, so nothing you say astonishes me. There are positive things about very close families - and also some very negative things about families where closeness slips into claustrophobic, clinging attachment and the younger members never really grow up into independent adults.
Clearly, there was a serious mismatch between what you wanted from the relationship and his priorities, and your idea of family life and his. My cultural background and personality makes me agree with you that how he wanted to spend the little time you had together was unreasonable. I suspect his ideal life-partner would be a woman who would smoothly slip into the "correct" role as determined by the traditions of his family. I'm sure there are women - Italian and of other nationalities - who would love to be enfolded into the sticky, judgemental, and probably extremely socially conservative embrace of his family, but you're clearly not one of them.
You're not an asshole, and it's possible he isn't one either. It sounds like he's just your classic mammone who's incapable of imagining a life outside his family. As someone who left home at 16, I find men like him pathetic, but they've been trained since birth to think of themselves as just an extension of their family rather than as an individual, and the older family members do their best to encourage such guys to never grow up.
I think you should just be happy that you had a narrow escape. Since you spent little time with his family, I imagine it all seemed pleasant and happy enough, but if you'd signed up to be a full member, I also suspect that you would have found yourself extremely unhappy fairly soon.
He may be perfect, but he's just part of the package deal you'd be buying if you were to marry him or commit to him as a long-term relationship.
I love the peace, quiet of living alone. When I wake up in the morning I can sing to my cat, and not give a rat's ass about whether, or not I would disturb anyone. I have enough trouble spending too much time with my own family much less someone else's. And another thing, here in the states a lot of Italian-American people make a really big deal about being Italian, and I tend to find it rather annoying, to much bragging is very annoying, and a turn off for me.
IIN me and my bf broke up because he is obsessed with his family?
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Oh, bloody hell... Italian men and Italian families. 🙄
I'm not Italian, but I lived in Italy for a few years, so nothing you say astonishes me. There are positive things about very close families - and also some very negative things about families where closeness slips into claustrophobic, clinging attachment and the younger members never really grow up into independent adults.
Clearly, there was a serious mismatch between what you wanted from the relationship and his priorities, and your idea of family life and his. My cultural background and personality makes me agree with you that how he wanted to spend the little time you had together was unreasonable. I suspect his ideal life-partner would be a woman who would smoothly slip into the "correct" role as determined by the traditions of his family. I'm sure there are women - Italian and of other nationalities - who would love to be enfolded into the sticky, judgemental, and probably extremely socially conservative embrace of his family, but you're clearly not one of them.
You're not an asshole, and it's possible he isn't one either. It sounds like he's just your classic mammone who's incapable of imagining a life outside his family. As someone who left home at 16, I find men like him pathetic, but they've been trained since birth to think of themselves as just an extension of their family rather than as an individual, and the older family members do their best to encourage such guys to never grow up.
I think you should just be happy that you had a narrow escape. Since you spent little time with his family, I imagine it all seemed pleasant and happy enough, but if you'd signed up to be a full member, I also suspect that you would have found yourself extremely unhappy fairly soon.
He may be perfect, but he's just part of the package deal you'd be buying if you were to marry him or commit to him as a long-term relationship.
--
RoseIsabella
3 years ago
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I love the peace, quiet of living alone. When I wake up in the morning I can sing to my cat, and not give a rat's ass about whether, or not I would disturb anyone. I have enough trouble spending too much time with my own family much less someone else's. And another thing, here in the states a lot of Italian-American people make a really big deal about being Italian, and I tend to find it rather annoying, to much bragging is very annoying, and a turn off for me.