IIN its illegal to read email but its ok to spy on your kids?

I think you should take this up the body of law in your area. As far as I'm concerned; surveillance, controlling, disrespecting civil rights, lack of boundaries (etc), is and should be considered a form of child abuse. All it is is abuse that is in the guise of something else. Parents are justifying this by claiming that it is something else. I grew up in a very abusive situation and similar methods were implemented against me.